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From: glc@akgua.UUCP (G.L. Cleveland [Lindsay])
Newsgroups: net.singles,net.social
Subject: Re: Living in sin?  Why marriages fail.
Message-ID: <1274@akgua.UUCP>
Date: Mon, 25-Feb-85 00:28:36 EST
Article-I.D.: akgua.1274
Posted: Mon Feb 25 00:28:36 1985
Date-Received: Wed, 27-Feb-85 07:46:05 EST
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Xref: watmath net.singles:5990 net.social:487

I'd like to respond to an earlier comment.

Said by:
>Greg Skinner (gregbo) {allegra,cbosgd,ihnp4}!houxm!gregbo
>
>I guess I got a little carried away in my posting, but lately I've seen too
>many marriages going (or gone) down the drain, and I'm appalled at the apathy
>of the couples, as if they really didn't care what was happening to them.  

I too am dismayed at the number of divorces, but we "outsiders"
must remember that we aren't living in the house with those folks
day after day.  We don't know what's going on and how bad things
really are.  What we may view as "apathy" may in fact be
"resignation" or just a reflection of the psychological "defensive
walls" they may have had to put up around themselves.  You may have
noticed that in the months before the actual split-up, they have
withdrawn into themselves to some degree.  And afterward it
ususally takes a while before the divorcee emerges from his/her
shell.

As any marriage councellor can tell you, when a couple breaks
up, both of them carry around some mixture of:

  1. I didn't do well.  I have failed.
  2. As good as I was, so-and-so didn't appreciate me.

With those sorts of feelings inside, an appearance of apathy at the
time of parting is easier to understand.



Cheers,
  Lindsay

Lindsay Cleveland  (...{ihnp4|mcnc|sdcsvax|clyde}!akgua!glc)
AT&T Technologies/Bell Laboratories ... Atlanta, Ga
(404) 447-3909 ...  Cornet 583-3909