Relay-Version: version B 2.10 5/3/83; site utzoo.UUCP
Posting-Version: version B 2.10.1 6/24/83; site sjuvax.UUCP
Path: utzoo!watmath!clyde!bonnie!akgua!psuvax1!burdvax!sjuvax!jss
From: jss@sjuvax.UUCP (J. Shapiro)
Newsgroups: net.singles,net.social
Subject: Re: The Ultimate Naming Convention Question
Message-ID: <900@sjuvax.UUCP>
Date: Mon, 25-Feb-85 01:51:05 EST
Article-I.D.: sjuvax.900
Posted: Mon Feb 25 01:51:05 1985
Date-Received: Wed, 27-Feb-85 08:39:31 EST
References: <191@dmcnh.UUCP>
Distribution: net
Organization: Saint Josephs Univ. Phila., Pa.
Lines: 88
Xref: watmath net.singles:5995 net.social:488

[Pacman's revenge...]

	This one is too good to resist.....

> A hypothetical 21 year old single male person was invited
> to the home of his hypothetical parental units for an anniversary
> party to be held about 1000 miles away.
> So he jumps on the plane not alone but with a happily-married
> 35 year old female person with whom the hypothetical male has
> been having a affair for eighteen months.
> Enter hypothetical male with companion into room containing
> hypothetical parents (2) and hypothetical grandparents (4) and
> hypothetical brother (1).
> What does he introduce the female person as?

His lover or girlfriend (whichever the parents/grandparents can handle).
This assumes that they don't know she is married.  Personally, it seems to
me that bringing this person to an anniversary is potentially a very cruel
thing to do, and in all likelihood the guest shouldn't be brought precisely
because of this kind of problem. It depends on the family reaction. Sometimes 
the best thing to do is to avoid treading on other people's beliefs and 
sensitivities even at some cost to oneself for the sake of those peoples' 
feelings.

On the other hand, I wouldn't be caught dead seeing a married woman
because I am a believer in monogamy and think affairs are as a general
thing are not a good idea.  There are exceptions to this, but only when all of
the people involved know what is going on and agree to it (including, in
this case, the husband).  I might well not mind my wife doing such a thing
if I were informed, but I would not engage in extramarital sex without
extreme circumstances. It would upset me greatly if I were not informed,
and this is something I make sure the people I see in a one-on-one
relationship know. It is not that I disapprove, but I feel it
reasonable to ask that I know about things which may affect the
relationship I am in where this is possible.

The point of this is that I am hardly seeing this from the hypothetical
person's point of view, so I am sure their are things I don't
see.

> And how does he get the same bed with her that night?  Hoo-boy.

If you need to ask this question, it is probably because your
folks/grandfolks feel or would hypothetically feel very uncomfortable
about this. Can the sex possibly be so important as to be worth involving 
such discomfort? The question, in general, when posed between the
generations, is a hard one even without the additional difficulties thrown
in.  My feeling is that I respect my parents feelings about what is proper
decorum in their house.  I prefer (in part for this reason) to live outside
of the house.  If the hypothetical parental units are amenable to this sort
of thing the answer is to straightforwardly indicate your preferences as to
sleeping arrangements. If they are not amenable, it is not so much to ask
that their feelings be respected.

> This is all hypothetical, of course.

In the case of my own folks, I once had the conversation with my mom (my
dad assumes I am "careful" and is a little less concerned) which ran:

Me:	Mom, the problem with some of the social advice you give me is that
what is considered morally acceptable today in the college community is
very different from what was acceptable when you were there.  It's not
clear that the moral values are better or worse, but they are decidedly
different.

Mom:	So please explain to me what the moral values are these days.

Me:	The truth is that you will feel much more comfortable not knowing.

She has never asked me again. I would not do this were it something that
need concern her, but I see no reason to cause her unnecessary disturbance.
When I went home for the Jewish High Holidays my girlfriend and I (she came
back with me - it is closer than Fla.) slept in separate rooms and
respected my parents desires that this remain so (There is a 15 year old
sister in the house...). When at school, she has been known to stay with
me, though not very often.  The folks don't seem to mind when she answers
the phone (mainly because they like her), and I am sure that they know she
is sleeping here on occasion. It is a question we have mutually silently 
agreed not to raise, and everyone seems to cope well with this solution.

This is a very thorny topic, and the above are only my off the cuff
feelings, so I hope I don't offend anyone by not thinking sufficiently
before speaking.

By the way, how did the hypothetical anniversary go?

Jon Shapiro
Haverford College