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From: singles-request@nsc.UUCP (anonymous posting)
Newsgroups: mod.singles
Subject: Re: finding your birthparents
Message-ID: <2458@nsc.UUCP>
Date: Tue, 12-Mar-85 03:10:37 EST
Article-I.D.: nsc.2458
Posted: Tue Mar 12 03:10:37 1985
Date-Received: Wed, 13-Mar-85 00:20:55 EST
Sender: chuqui@nsc.UUCP
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- - - mod.singles- - -          - - - Volume 1, Issue 31 - - -

I don't see what this's got to do with singles, but here it is anyway.
This is in response to the article about adoptees finding their
birthparents and what to do about it.

I am not adopted.  However, the father I was raised with is not
biologically my father.  My parents got divorced seven years ago, and
last year my mother told me, due to a weird misunderstanding making her
think that my father had already done so, that I was conceived out of
wedlock (which I had already known and dicussed with my parents a long
time ago) and that my father was not my biological father.  My mother
was in college and got pregnant, didn't tell the guy, and married my
father (who was her best friend).

So now I am in a fix.  I know who my biological father is.  I know his
name, I know where he lives, I know what he does.  I have never met
him; I know all this second hand from my mother and from friends who
recognized the name when I asked them.  I don't know if he is married,
or if he has kids, or what.  I can infer some things about him using
mendelian genetics and my knowledge of my mother's side of the family.
The question in my mind is "So what do I do?"

I put myself in this guy's shoes and asked myself what I would do if I
were confronted with a man who said he was my son from a date 21 years
ago when I was in college.  Would I believe him?  No.  Would I be
scared?  Yes.  Unfortunately, there might also be a question of legal
inheritance, idiotic laws paying more attention to blood than they
should.  I would shun this guy, but I would be curious.

It would just open a can of worms that would be so big that it wouldn't
be worth it.  All I really want to know is some genetic history, so I
can be prepared for things to come, like heart disease, diabetes,
cancer, etc.  And in the (currently) unlikely event that I choose to
have children, it might be nice to know what to expect then too.  But
there is no way to do this without revealing why I want to know it.

So I ignore the issue.  I have some strong feelings about
twenty-year-later surprises.  I don't like them.  I don't want any.
I'll just let my curiosity remain unfulfilled because I have no
choice.  I admit I am very curious, but I see no way of fulfilling that
curiosity without stepping on his toes.  After all, he didn't do
anything wrong according to my beliefs (maybe according to others').

Happy netting.


-- 
Chuq Von Rospach, National Semiconductor
{cbosgd,fortune,hplabs,ihnp4,seismo}!nsc!chuqui   nsc!chuqui@decwrl.ARPA

Be seeing you!