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From: brower@fortune.UUCP (Richard Brower)
Newsgroups: net.religion,net.motss
Subject: another Egypt
Message-ID: <5127@fortune.UUCP>
Date: Wed, 20-Mar-85 18:41:12 EST
Article-I.D.: fortune.5127
Posted: Wed Mar 20 18:41:12 1985
Date-Received: Thu, 21-Mar-85 04:49:59 EST
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Organization: Fortune Systems, Redwood City, CA
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Xref: watmath net.religion:6187 net.motss:1528

I am going to quote an entire article from the newspaper "Sentinel USA"
a San Francisco gay publication just to get it out.  It describes the
feelings that at least some of us have toward gay liberation.
________________________________________________________________________

_A_Disturbed_Peace_
_Another Egypt_

by Brian McNaught

	These can be dark and dreary times for many gay men and
lesbians.

	For some of the people in our developing community, the events
of these days even prompt moments of despair; of angry denunciations of
being gay; of periodic longings for the security of the life they
"remember" having before coming out of the closet.

	The reasons for these feelings of anxiety are numerous and
certainly understandable.  Some of us, for instance, live in cities in
which 60% of the beds in our hospitals' intensive care units are occupied
by persons with AIDS.  We've lost good friends.  We live in fear of
losing others and of contacting AIDS ourselves.  We're confused and
alarmed.

	Some of us live in states where moronic legislators speak
carelessly of quarantining us in the public interest.  Our local
authorities seek to close our bathhouses and, though we are not patrons
of the baths, we wonder where they will stop.  We're frightened and angry.

	Some of us make our homes in places where our neighbors and our
associates voted overwhelmingly to rescind our rights to employment.
Some of us go to schools where straight students have sold hundreds of
"Fagbuster" sweatshirts.  Some of us live in towns where anti-gay
violence is dramatically on the rise.  We're shocked and we're depressed.

	"Why did we ever leave the closet?" some of us ask.  "What did
we accomplish by coming out?  At least we were safe when we pretended
to be straight," some of us argue.  "Even if it wasn't a perfect life,
it was better to be safe passing for straight than to die out of the
closet."

	If we gay people listen carefully, we can hear other voices
echo our anxiety.

	When the Jews left Egypt, many of them did so with mixed
emotions.  They were excited by the sense of independence and
self-determination which Moses promised them, but they were also
frightened of the unknown.  When they realized that Pharaoh and his army
were rapidly pursuing them, some of them yelled at Moses, "Why did you
do this to us?  Why did you bring us out of Egypt?  Did we not tell you
this in Egypt when we said, 'Leave us alone.  Leave us serve the
Egyptians'?  Far better for us to be the slaves of the Egyptians than to
die in the desert."

	Moses was probably hurt and confused by the frightened and angry
responses of his people.  Had he made a mistake in leaving Egypt?  Was
it better to be a slave?  Why had he left in the first place?

	It was the voice which led Moses out of Egypt, and it was the
voice in which he ultimately placed his trust.  The voice that which led
Moses and the Jews out of slavery is the exact same voice which
whispered a dream to Martin Luther King, Jr.  The voice which led an
entire nation of Jews into a 40-year wandering in the desert is the same
voice which led Ghandi to burn his English-made clothes, which led
Caesar Chavez to politically organize his family and friends in the
vineyards of California, which led Margaret Sanger to defy the law by
providing birth control information to women.

	The voice which speaks is the voice of God, which is the voice
of life, which is the voice of self-affirmation.  Moses heard the voice
say, "I am what I am."  Albin clears the stage in _La_Cage_Aux_Folles to
proclaim "I am what I am."  The voice within is a constant but generally
subtle longing to live life fully and equally; to live life
authentically and to die knowing that you have bloomed to your full
potential.

	The voice within is the persons best friend.  It is also a
troubleraker.  The voice within sings an anthem of independence.
Listening to it can prompt you to do and say things you never imagined
were within you.  Following its call to action can create all sorts of
trouble.  Family and friends will say "You've changed."  Employeers will
get nervous that you are getting out of line.  Priests and rabbis will
begin warning you of the sins of pride and reminding you of the perils
of heresy.

	People who listen to the voice almost always lose the security
with which society had rewarded them for staying in line; for staying in
Egypt; for staying on the plantation; for staying in the closet.  When
you listen to the voice within and decide to leave Egypt in the hope of
finding a homeland, Pharaohs chase you with their armies, voters take
away your rights, college jocks mock you and people call you names like
"militant," "radical," "avowed" and "troublemaker."

	There is no story in the history of humankind in which people
have listened to the voice within without suffering.  All growth
requires pain.  Any time people have demanded that the world make room
for their being, society has responded with the likes of Jerry Falwell,
Jessie Helms, Cal Thomas and the other Pharaohs with whom we currently
deal.

	Likewise, every time there is a troublemaking move out of
captivity into liberation, there have always been and will always be
nagging doubts, fears and anxieties among the liberated and among those
called to liberation.  Surely there were Jews who stayed in Egypt just
as there are women who curse feminism and as there are closeted
homosexuals who hate the Movement because it threatens their security.
For every gay man or lesbian who has left the closet but at times wishes
they hadn't, there are black people in history who periodically wished
they hadn't left the security of the plantation and Indians who wished
the English had not granted their country its independence.
Self-determination is an awesome challenge and it is natural to feel
doubts and fears.

	Our generation has been tapped to lead the modern liberation
movement while at the same time cope with the horrors of AIDS.  Previous
generations have been tapped to cope with the horrors of the Crusades,
the Inquisition, the Witch Trials, the Holocaust and the McCarthy Era.
All of them died in the desert rather than serve the Egyptians.  All of
us will probably die before the others reach the Promised Land, but the
movement forward will continue, even if, at times, it is an undirected
wandering.

	Though these are dark and dreary times for many gay men and
lesbians who periodically think of the "comforts" of the closet, the
Pharaoh and his armies are still not enough to keep the people in
captivity.  "I came out at the beginning of this year," wrote a
55-year-old stranger to me in a letter to me yesterday, "by telling my
wife of 23 years and my two sons (21 and 22) that I am gay.  I moved
into an apartment.  I have a very special friend with whom I hope a
lasting relationship will develop.  After so many years of living
straight and being gay, I have now found a peace which I neither knew
was possible nor had any hope of achieving."

	Welcome to the desert, friend.
________________________________________________________________________

I, and perhaps many of those gays who profess to be Christian,
have this feeling that the Christian/Jewish God is our God, even though
we seem to see a whole different aspect of Him than the right-wing edge
of Christianity.  It is often my feeling that that group of Christians
who deny others the right to be Christian in their own ways don't really
understand what/who this God they worship is, and therefore end up
standing in His way.  And that is the reason many gays (like me) spend
long hours trying to convince Christians that they should not fear us,
but should be standing in the trenches beside us working for world where
everyone has the right to be themselves and free.
-- 
Richard A. Brower		Fortune Systems
{ihnp4,ucbvax!amd,hpda,sri-unix,harpo}!fortune!brower