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From: jrc@ritcv.UUCP (James R. Carbin)
Newsgroups: net.motss
Subject: Re: why gays like to be visible
Message-ID: <1597@ritcv.UUCP>
Date: Mon, 18-Mar-85 21:47:08 EST
Article-I.D.: ritcv.1597
Posted: Mon Mar 18 21:47:08 1985
Date-Received: Fri, 22-Mar-85 00:57:31 EST
References: <201@bbnccv.UUCP>
Distribution: net
Organization: Rochester Institute of Technology, Rochester, NY
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> I'm curious. Why do gay people like to be so visible. Why is it so important
> for gays to be able to proudly say in the middle of a crowd that he/she is
> gay. What if I was in a crowded theater and I yelled "fire". It almost
> sounds like they want to legalize that.
> ................
> 
> Cheers,
> --JSol

I can give one explanation and it has nothing to do with the idea of "flaunting"
one's sexuality.  Once an individual decides (for whatever reason which could
include potential attempted blackmail) to come totally out of the closet, the
individual will often feel not only embarassed, but guilty that they have been
somehow dishonest with their friends, family, and co-workers by having kept
their true feelings hidden for so many years.  It is not particularly easy
to face up to this situation, but having finally done so, the individual wants
to never again deceive anyone else.

It is not a matter of saying, "I want you to accept my lifestyle," but rather
saying, "I am gay, I don't want to deceive you, I'm not asking for your approval
but I do want you to learn about my sexual orientation from me rather than
from a third-party."  In effect, the individual is trying to say, I want you
to be my friend, and I think that I should be up front with you;  if you
can not accept me, I understand, but the probability of being hurt has been
sharply reduced for both parties.

I speak from experience.  I find myself in just this type of situation.
Initially, I felt it necessary to finally be honest with so many people
who I had deceived for so long.   And now, before I mislead a potential
friend, I want them to know the truth.

I have found that the reaction to my candidness has been *extremely*
positive.  The number of negative experiences could be counted on one
hand.  And as I have said, it is not an attempt to flaunt my sexuality
nor change anyone's mind, but what I consider to be nothing more than
saving a friend from a potentially embarassing situation.  i.e. "Do you
know that j.r. is gay?"  response: "Oh yes, but it doesn't seem to be
an issue in our friendship."  

I'm sure that many do not agree with my attitude, nor do I suggest that
this would work for everyone, but my very positive experiences with
this approach has worked well with my friends, (both old and new.)

j.r.       {allegra,seismo}!rochester!ritcv!jrc