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From: fsks@unc.UUCP (Frank Silbermann)
Newsgroups: net.singles
Subject: Re: Getting that first date
Message-ID: <185@unc.UUCP>
Date: Mon, 11-Mar-85 21:35:56 EST
Article-I.D.: unc.185
Posted: Mon Mar 11 21:35:56 1985
Date-Received: Thu, 14-Mar-85 04:03:01 EST
References: <hplabsc.2465>
Reply-To: fsks@unc.UUCP (Frank Silbermann)
Organization: CS Dept., U. of N. Carolina at Chapel Hill
Lines: 50
Summary: 

In article <hplabsc.2465> labelle@hplabsc.UUCP (WB6YZZ La Belle) writes:

>	My prefered first date is still something that doesn't cost
>	anything. Find a common interest, tennis, bike riding, cruising the bay,
>	going to a museum, bowling, skiing, or screwing :-).

Spending alot of money on the first date puts too much pressure on the woman.
She will have to wonder whether you think she's under obligation "to put out".
That's why first dates should entail only modest expense.

>	This should give enough exposure to see if the relationship
>	is worth pursuing before forking over big bux for a bummer evening, or
>	simply supporting a chick who supplements her income with dinner dates!

I believe you have a self-defeating attitude.
The worst thing you can do on a date is to appear selfish.
Generosity in men is a turn-on to women, and stinginess is a sexual turnoff.

Women have an instinctual drive to mate only with generous men of means.
Think about it.  Historically, during pregnancy and after birth,
the vulnerable woman and child depend upon the male provider for sustinence.
If the male cannot provide, or will not share, the woman and child may not
survive.  Natural selection favored the women who restricted themselves
to mates who could and would share.  Whether by nature or by nurture,
these values have been propagated among women from one generation to the next.

I certainly do NOT wish to imply that women are ruthlessly mercenary.
These values are instinctual, or at least subconsious.  Thus, even when
a woman is not interested in having children, she subconscously restricts
herself to men who could and would provide well for a family.
Feminism teaches us that these attitudes are no longer important.  
Unfortunately, the lesson is absorbed only intellectually.
Emotionally, the game has not changed.

So what to do?  Never appear cheap.  Never propose going dutch.
If the woman suggests it, then fine, but when splitting the bill,
always pay the "bigger half" yourself.  Always tip well,
but don't throw your money around like a Las Vegas big shot.
Not only is that also obnoxious, but she'll think you must be
overcompensating for something (besides, men who throw their money
away too easily are likely to go broke).
Try to absorb the attitude that money is no big deal.

If you are still a student, remember that it is not so important
that you have lots of money now -- only that you will make a good
living someday.  And show that you are willing to share what little
you do have.  Otherwise, you'll be operating at a handicap.

		Frank Silbermann
		University of North Carolina