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From: cff@uvaee.UUCP (Chuck Ferrara)
Newsgroups: net.singles
Subject: Re: Asking For Dates
Message-ID: <226@uvaee.UUCP>
Date: Tue, 12-Mar-85 23:59:50 EST
Article-I.D.: uvaee.226
Posted: Tue Mar 12 23:59:50 1985
Date-Received: Fri, 15-Mar-85 02:38:45 EST
References: <5105@ucbvax.ARPA>
Organization: EE Dept., U of Virginia, Charlottesville
Lines: 41

> From: robin@ucbsloth (Robin Wickman)
> 
> [What's my line?]
> 
> Jeff Sonntag writes that when making a date he almost always says something
> vague like, "Would you like to go out sometime?".  His reasoning is that a
> negative response leaves him wondering whether he's getting an excuse or his
> would-be date really is busy.
> 
> My friend Sherman used to think the same way; however, as he became more
> skilled in the fine art of communicating with other people, he found that
> there are negative responses and then there are negative responses.  When
> asking a woman for a date at a specific time, he learned to carefully observe
> the way she reacted to the request for a date.  If she appeared uneasy,
> evasive, or looked away while talking to him he figured that she was giving
> him an excuse.  On the other hand, if she seemed pleased to be asked and said
> she hoped that they could make it some other time, he knew that he could ask
> again, with much more confidence of success.
> 
> This may be hard to do.  One is usually so wrapped-up in one's own rejection
> fears that he or she can't really concentrate on the other person's quite
> obvious messages.  I suppose too that it is much like playing bridge:  If
> your partner doesn't play the same bidding system signals can be horribly
> confused.  Then again, there's that riddle which I'm sure everyone has heard,
> "How is sex like Bridge?".
> 
> Please do try to acquire this skill in reading people.  Polite people refrain
> from putting other people into the uncomfortable position of explicitly
> rejecting them.
> 
> --Robin

The only problem is that some people don't "read" well (especially over the
phone)  and some people are very difficult to "read". Since asking, in itself, 
is an expression of interest, it might be best to give the askee an opportunity
to show some interest of their own. It seems best to me if I try for a 
specific time and if the person says no, I tell them to give me a call 
when they are available. If they are interested, they will call.
It is probable that some people I've asked out have an aversion to showing
any form of initiative and don't respond, but I have an aversion to those 
types, anyhow.