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From: jcjeff@ihlpg.UUCP (jeffreys)
Newsgroups: net.singles
Subject: Re: Dates not eating their food... Communtcation... The answer ???
Message-ID: <266@ihlpg.UUCP>
Date: Mon, 18-Mar-85 00:51:04 EST
Article-I.D.: ihlpg.266
Posted: Mon Mar 18 00:51:04 1985
Date-Received: Tue, 19-Mar-85 04:23:12 EST
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> 
> Whenever I go out with a date, one of the things we usually do is
> go out for dinner.  I've had some really good times and what I'm
> about to say is not meant to be a generalization.
> 
> Many times, I've found that my date would order a really elaborate
> entree for dinner and end up eating only about 1/4 of it.  The money
> that I spend on the dinner doesn't bother me.  I just hate to see
> great food going to waste.  There have been some cases where my date
> didn't like what she ordered, but the vast majority of my
> dates simply weren't hungry or were "weight-conscious".  If I go
> out to dinner with someone, I'd like that person to enjoy their meal.
> If they're only hungry for something small like a salad, that's fine.
> Don't order Chateaubriand and eat only 1/4 of it!
> 
> Any other thoughts or feelings on this issue?

>                 Mike Gin	TRW-DSG
> 

 I could have had a similar problem, but stopped it before it started.

 I had arranged with my date, to go out for a meal. A couple of days before
we were to go, I got the impression, when I mentioned the subject of the
forth-comming meal, she was not as happy with the arrangement as she had
been. I then proceded to ask her why, it seems that she felt uncomfortable,
not with the fact that it was the first date, but the idea that we would
both be in the restaurant, and in between talking to each other, I would be
watching her eat! She had some hang-up about me (or anybody) watching her
eat, the thought of being in a restaurant, and all those people watching her,
really upset her. 

 I had to have a talk with her, telling her that there was nothing really to
be afraid of. The people who would be in the restauaunt, would be far more
interested in *their own little world* and would not be interested in
anybody else. Moreover I had to convince her that I was not talking her out
for a meal, because I wanted to watch her eat, I added that we could go to the
nearest "chippie" (Fish and Chip [Fries] Shop for the uninitiated) for that,
but because I wanted her company, and thought that the restaurant would be
able to provide a nice quiet atmosphere, along with the excelent food.

 I managed to pursuade her to go on the date, and although very aprehencive
about eating to begin with, when she noticed that the people were not watching
her, and that although I was taking notice of her, I was not activly involved
with how she was eating, she really enjoyed herself. (For those of you who
were thinking that she had some strange habbit when it came to eating, Your
wrong.)

 I can sum this up by saying that, if I had not spotted a bit of reluctance
on her part, I think the evening would have gone down the tubes. She would
have been sitting there with some kind of phobia about eating, I would have
the thought that she was not eating because she was not enjoying herself. The
conversation would have probably dried up very early or been very hard to
come by because of the wrong attitudes, or impressions.

 A lot can be gained from the unintentional signals we all send out, being
aware of these, and being able to get the right *message* can help. That is
only one third of the solution, being able to talk openly about problems to
your partner, and being able to resolve them are the other two thirds. 

 Ooops, I have strayed off the original subject, but I think I have made a
good case for communication anyway :-)
 
-- 
          [ You called all the way from America - Joan Armatrading ]          
 [ You're never alone with a rubber duck - Hitchhikers Guide To The Galaxy ]
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