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From: dsn@tove.UUCP (Dana S. Nau)
Newsgroups: net.singles
Subject: Re: Re: dependence/independence in relationships
Message-ID: <157@tove.UUCP>
Date: Mon, 18-Mar-85 10:25:19 EST
Article-I.D.: tove.157
Posted: Mon Mar 18 10:25:19 1985
Date-Received: Fri, 22-Mar-85 23:43:55 EST
References: <146@tove.UUCP> <213@gitpyr.UUCP>
Organization: U of Maryland, Laboratory for Parallel Computation, C.P., MD
Lines: 26

Dana Eckart writes:

> In article <146@tove.UUCP> dsn@tove.UUCP (Dana S. Nau) writes:
> 
> > . . . . . . it can cause cyclic
> >patterns of behavior such as the following:
> >
> >Suppose A wants closeness and B wants autonomy, and suppose A pushes too
> >much for closeness.  Then B, believing that his/her autonomy is threatened,
> >moves farther away.  This makes A get upset and try even harder to get
> >closeness, causing B to move further away, etc.
> 
> This, in fact, has happened to me ... thanks for sharing your thoughts
> with the net.  Up until now I thought that I was really about the only one
> who had experienced a cycle such as this.

I suspect that conflicts centering around closeness and autonomy are
actually pretty common.  Since my original posting, I've received about
half a dozen responses discussing such experiences--and several of the
respondents said they hadn't realized that others experienced such
situations too.  I'm glad people found the posting useful!
-- 
Dana S. Nau		    ARPA:   dsn@maryland
Computer Science Dept.	    CSNet:  dsn@umcp-cs
University of Maryland	    UUCP:   {seismo,allegra,brl-bmd}!umcp-cs!dsn
College Park, MD 20742	    Phone:  (301) 454-7932