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From: malik@helos.DEC (Karl Malik ZK01-1/F22 1-1440)
Newsgroups: net.singles
Subject: paying for meals
Message-ID: <1204@decwrl.UUCP>
Date: Wed, 20-Mar-85 16:31:46 EST
Article-I.D.: decwrl.1204
Posted: Wed Mar 20 16:31:46 1985
Date-Received: Sun, 24-Mar-85 04:24:41 EST
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	Laura Creighton recently mentioned that because she made more
money than (most? some?) of her dates, she tended to pick up the tab.

	I guess I would caution against either men or women taking
on the role of 'provider'. In the case of a woman paying for the
meal, it makes some sense as a socio-political gesture; setting an
example which breaks the traditional sex roles.

	But, changing the world is one thing, and having a good
relationship is another. Paying for meals (consistantly) is a way
of obtaining power over another person.

	It can also have the undesired effect of causing the other
person to think twice about inviting you out. "Gee, I'd really like
to have dinner with such-and-such, but they always want to pick up
the tab and this must be getting expensive for them."

	Of course, there are ways around this, but the point is that
it sets up an imbalance that you have to go out of your way to deal
with. ("Am I using this other person?" "Am I treating too much? How
does this make them feel?" "I could ask them but would they tell me
the truth? They might not want to hurt my feelings." etc.)

	My experience has been that the simpler (i.e., more equal)
the relationship, the happier both people are.

						- Karl