Relay-Version: version B 2.10 5/3/83; site utzoo.UUCP Posting-Version: version B 2.10.2 9/17/84; site hao.UUCP Path: utzoo!watmath!clyde!bonnie!akgua!sdcsvax!sdcrdcf!trwrb!cepu!hao!woods From: woods@hao.UUCP (Greg Woods) Newsgroups: net.social Subject: Re: Marriage Encounter Information Message-ID: <1394@hao.UUCP> Date: Wed, 13-Mar-85 13:45:13 EST Article-I.D.: hao.1394 Posted: Wed Mar 13 13:45:13 1985 Date-Received: Sat, 16-Mar-85 01:10:48 EST References: <1766@cca.UUCP> Organization: High Altitude Obs./NCAR, Boulder CO Lines: 110 I would like to second Denise's enthusiastic recommendation. I have not participated in ME in particular (I have never been married), but I have done an awareness training course (Lifespring(tm)) which uses some of the same techniques described here, except that it concentrates on you personally instead of your relationship with a spouse, as ME does. I cannot recommend this type of thing highly enough. I have been able to develop a whole new attitude about me and my life as a result of *my* experience with Lifespring, and I'm 10 times happier than I was previously. I enjoy sharing this experience with people since it was so impactful for me. > The gray areas in your lives are brought forth by > careful coordination of the questions (and presentations) given. > You actually begin to learn the techniques of dicussion. In ME > terms, this is referred to as dialogue. Quite frankly, we don't > have any social situation that teach or prepare us for communication > with each other. And we will never learn to communicate by having a counselor or therapist explain why we are having difficulty. The only way to learn is to do it. It's rather like riding a bike; you can read about it until you are blue in the face and you won't learn how to ride a bike. The only way you learn to ride is to *experience* riding a bike. And when you learn something through experience, you never forget it. You could hop on that bike years later and still know how to ride. Do you remember even half of the crap you learned in high school (apologies to Paul Simon for stealing his line)? The reason you don't is because you learned it solely through an *intellectual* process rather than an *experiential* one. Things learned intellectually tend to fade with time, while things learned through experience tend to stay with you forever. > Our marriage counselor (yeah we went that route once) could never do for us > what this organization has. Based on my own experience, this is not surprising. Marriage counselors offer intellectual therapy. ME offers experiential training. I suggest the latter is thousands of times more effective. > We now have a sharing group that is an extension to the ME > weekend....Hearing that others have been through some of our emotional > difficulties, hearing their solutions (or that the have no apparent > solutions) bring us closer to the underlying problem. Once we are > aware of the underlying problem, solutions are worked out together. > Sometimes it just takes hearing that others are in the same situation > to reassure one that it's not so insurmountable. This also matches my experience. Sharing groups are invaluable. I had a lot of personal difficulties that I was unwilling to share with even my closest friends because I feared their disapproval, or that they would think I was weird, different, or screwed up. During the Lifespring course I shared some of these things, and guess what? Half the people there shared most of my concerns. It really *does* help to see that lots of others are in the same boat and have similar concerns. The support level there was unbelievable. I'd also like to second the notion that becoming aware of the underlying problem is 9/10ths of the solution. As soon as I saw that *I* was at cause of my difficulties and that *I* could take action to correct them, it was easy. In my own case, I always had trouble with women. It turned out that the underlying cause was that I believed very strongly that women didn't like me, and devoted a lot of my energy to proving it. As soon as I saw I was doing this, I chose to stop, and my love life has never been better (although I still haven't met my long- term goals in this area yet, but things take time) I never realized that I was so attached to that belief. I really wanted to be right, even to the point of sacrificing my happiness for it. I submit that this is not unusual; lots of people have negative beliefs about themselves that they want to be right about. The trouble is not that this is the case, but that they are not *aware* of it. Once you see that it's really a choice, it becomes trivial to deal with. Not only are the problems not insurmountable, but you are the cause of them, and therefore you are the solution as well. If this sounds oversimplified, it isn't. I've eliminated many of my "problems" this way, so I know. > The cost is VERY minimal (especially considering the resulting value). > The organization will even waive the fee for anyone with financial > concerns, but I'm sure you'll agree with me that by the end of the > weekend you'll want to make a contribution to keep this thing going > for other couples to learn and enjoy. Well, Lifespring is not quite that flexible about the money, but they *are* a profit-making corporation, so this isn't surprising. What they *do* have, however, is a money-back guarantee. The course costs $400, which ain't pocket change, but to me, the value I got out of it is immeasurable in monetary terms. What could be more valuable than having my life work the way I want it to? And, if you aren't satisfied that the course was well worth the $400, you can have $350 back just by asking for it (about 2-5% of those who take the course ask for and recieve a refund). > There is really no way to express or describe a Marriage Encounter > weekend to someone who has never experienced one before--you'll just > have to find out for yourself. Ditto for Lifespring. Since the course is experiential, there's no way to fully describe it in intellectual terms. I can't tell you how to ride a bike. > The next step could make all the difference in the world. Ditto again. If anyone would like more information, feel free to write. Needless to say, I love talking about it. Hugs to all, --Greg -- {ucbvax!hplabs | allegra!nbires | decvax!noao | harpo!seismo | ihnp4!noao} !hao!woods CSNET: woods@NCAR ARPA: woods%ncar@CSNET-RELAY "Please don't dominate the rap Jack, if you got nothing new to say..."