Relay-Version: version B 2.10 5/3/83; site utzoo.UUCP Posting-Version: version 1.0 Netnews CMS/BITNET; site PSUVM.BITNET Path: utzoo!watmath!clyde!bonnie!akgua!whuxlm!harpo!decvax!mcnc!idis!cadre!psuvax1!psuvm!bzf From: bzf@psuvm.UUCP Newsgroups: net.lang.lisp,net.lang.c,net.lang,net.jokes Subject: Little known computer languages Message-ID: <1663BZF@PSUVM> Date: Mon, 1-Apr-85 00:51:09 EST Article-I.D.: PSUVM.1663BZF Posted: Mon Apr 1 00:51:09 1985 Date-Received: Wed, 3-Apr-85 00:42:15 EST Lines: 129 Xref: watmath net.lang.lisp:422 net.lang.c:4907 net.lang:1542 net.jokes:11630 A friend of mine at Carnegie-Mellon sent me the following list of "lesser known" computer languages: Basic, Fortran, Cobol . . . These programming languages are well-known and (more or less) well-loved throughout the computer industry. There are numerous other languages, however, that are less well-known yet still have ardent devotees. In fact, these little-known languages generally have the most fanatic admirers. For those who wish to know more about these obscure languages - and why they are obscure - I present the following catalog. SIMPLE SIMPLE is an acronym for Sheer Idiot's Mono-purpose Programming Linguistic Environment. This language, developed at the Hanover College for Technological Misfits, was designed to make it impossible to write code with errors in it. The statements are therefore confined to BEGIN, END, and STOP. No matter how you arrange the statements, you can't make a syntax error. Programs written in SIMPLE do nothing useful. thus they achieve the results of programs written in other languages without the tedious, frustrating process of testing and debugging. SLOBOL SLOBOL is best known for the speed, or lack of it, of its compiler. Although many compilers allow you to take a coffee break while they compile, SLOBOL commpilers allow you to take a trip to Bolivia to pick up the coffee. Forty-three programmers are known to have died of boredom sitting at their terminal while waiting for a SLOBOL program to compile. Weary SLOBOL programmers often turn to a related (but infinitely faster) language, COCAINE. VALGOL (With special thanks to Dan and Betsy "Moon Unit" Pfau) From its modest beginnings in southern California's San Fernando Valley, VALGOL is enjoying a dramatic surge of popularity across the industry. VALGOL commands include REALLY, LIKE, WELL, and Y$KNOW. Variables are assigned with the =LIKE and =TOTALLY operators. Other operators include the "CALIFORNIA BOOLEANS": FERSURE and NOWAY. Repititions of code are handled in FOR-SURE loops. Here is a sample VALGOL program: 14 LIKE, Y$KNOW (I MEAN) START %% IF PI A =LIKE BITCHEN AND 01 B =LIKE TUBULAR AND 9 C =LIKE GRODY**MAX 4K (FERSURE)**2 18 THEN 4I FOR I=LIKE 1 TO OH MAYBE 100 86 DO WAH + (DITTY**2) 9 BARF(I) =TOTALY GROSS(OUT) -17 SURE 1F LIKE BAG THIS PROGRAM ? REALLY $$ LIKE TOTALLY (Y*KNOW) VALGOL is characterized by its unfriendly error messages. For example, when the user makes a syntax error, the interpreter displays the message, GAG ME WITH A SPOON! LAIDBACK Historically, VALGOL is a derivative of LAIDBACK, which was developed at the (now defunct) Marin County Center for T'ai Chi, Mellowness, and Computer Programming, as an alternative to the more intense atmosphere in nearby Silicon Valley. The center was ideal for programmers who liked to soak in hot tubs while they worked. Unfortunately, few programmers could survive there for long, since the center outlawed pizza and RC Cola in favor of bean curd and Perrier. Many mourn the demise of LAIDBACK because of its reputation as a gentle and nonthreatening language. For example, LAIDBACK responded to syntax errors with the message, SORRY MAN, I CAN'T DEAL WITH THAT. SARTRE Named after the late existential philosopher. SARTRE is an extremely unstructured language. Statements in SARTRE have no purpose; they just are there. Thus, SARTRE programs are left to define their own functions. SARTRE programmers tend to be boring and depressed and are no fun at parties. FIFTH FIFTH is a precision mathematical language in which the data types refer to quantity. The data types range from CC, OUNCE, SHOT, and JIGGER to FIFTH (hence the name of the language), LITER, MAGNUM, and BLOTTO. commands refer to ingredients such as CHABLIS, CHARDONNAY, CABERNET, GIN, VERMOUTH, VODKA, SCOTCH, and WHATEVERSAROUND. The many versions of the FIFTH language reflect the sophistication and financial status of its users. Commands in the ELITE dialect include VSOP and LAFITE, while commands in the GUTTER dialect include HOOTCH and RIPPLE. The latter is a favorite of frustrated FORTH programmers who end up using the language. C- This language was named for the grade received by its creator when he submitted it as a class project in a graduate programming class. C- is best described as a "Low-level" programming language. In fact, the language generally requires more C- statements than machine-code statements to execute a given task. In this respect, it is very similar to COBOL. LITHP This otherwise unremarkable language is distinguished by the abscence of an "s" in its character set. Programmers and users must substitute "TH". LITHP is thaid to be utheful in prothething lithtths. DOGO Developed at the Massachusetts Institute of Obedience Training. DOGO heralds a new era of computer-literate pets. DOGO commands include SIT, STAY, HEEL, and ROLL OVER. An innovatve feature of DOGO is "PUPPY GRAPHICS", in which a cmall cocker spaniel leaves a deposit as he travels across the screen. -------- ========================================================================= I would be interested in hearing from anyone who can report on any other little known languages in use out there. ============================================================================ Dave Bealer BZF @ PSUVM (Bitnet) Student Operator/Consultant PSU/Capitol Campus Computer Center ============================================================================