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From: jdh@hou5g.UUCP (Julia Harper)
Newsgroups: net.motss
Subject: Re: Gay/Straight Differences
Message-ID: <547@hou5g.UUCP>
Date: Fri, 5-Apr-85 17:48:21 EST
Article-I.D.: hou5g.547
Posted: Fri Apr  5 17:48:21 1985
Date-Received: Sat, 6-Apr-85 03:38:01 EST
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Organization: AT&T Information Systems Laboratories, Holmdel, NJ
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()
When you are involved with someone, or think about them as someone 
touchable, your "private space" requirements shrink.  I think a lot 
of gays "give themselves away" by moving within what's normally thought 
of as private space too "freely", thereby attracting attention.  I 
think all people who feel this way about each other do this, but
it is more noticeable in gays, because it is less common.

BUT, here is a more important reason people can "tell I'm gay.."

The accusation of homosexuality is used as a weapon to try to force 
people to conform.  Women who seem "too violent" or strong, and men who
seem "too gentle" are often abused with this accusation.  If you
really *are* gay and someone says it to you, you wonder how they
knew.  I suspect they usually don't know.  

I have been called a dyke on a few ocassions by men who didn't like the 
way I was talking or reacting to them.   Depending on what that word
means to you, they were wrong.  If being a dyke means being loud
and strident, well then I was what they said.  I was involved with a 
man when the last two incidents happened, which made it really easy for
me to simply say "Yes, I am a dyke.  So?"  There was no way they could 
scare me with that accusation, I knew.  (This luxury is not as 
affordable for those who really are involved with someone of the same 
sex, unless they are out.)

Interestingly, I've noticed on and off the net that people like to 
try to use "feminist" or "knee-jerk feminist" or "screaming feminist"
in exactly the same types of situations as when people have called me 
a dyke. Some feminists are afraid to be called feminists, or define 
themselves that way, because of the connotation of abnormality 
-- of being dykish (a Man-Hater) if you're a woman, or if you're 
a man, of being queer or into bondage.

The label "queer" or "dyke" or ..whatever.. refers to a lot of
things that have nothing to do with sexuality.  

One time, I was waiting to be picked up by someone at a bus stop
and these two young men (boys?) drove past a couple of times, making 
comments.  I told them off.  Then they told me I must be a
lesbian.  After a moment of shock (I felt like looking at myself in
the mirror to see what about me made them say that!) I told them 
*they* must be gay.  Otherwise why would they be riding in that car 
together, besides I saw the way they looked at each other.  And I'd 
seen the one's arm on the back of the other's seat--or was it his back...

Well, *they* were shocked.  They left and didn't come back.  I was very 
proud of this brilliant tactical maneuver.  Anyway, the point is, 
they DIDN'T know I was gay.  And accusing them of this dreadful thing, 
homosexuality, scared them.  So I really think most people are more 
concerned about it as a way not to be.  They aren't really observant 
enough to tell who is and who isn't.  A lot more people get accused
of being a homosexual than just gays.  (Just an accusation, though,
not an aknowledgement of it being a real way of life.)

Anyway, it's easier to hide being gay than hide being a woman.  Think
how it must feel to get those kinds of remarks when you walk down the
street just because you're a woman.  You're damned if you do try to hide 
being a woman (you ugly dyke) and damned if you don't (hey sexy bitch, 
wanna fuck?).

-- 
Julia Harper
[ihnp4,ariel]!hou5g!jdh