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Path: utzoo!laura
From: laura@utzoo.UUCP (Laura Creighton)
Newsgroups: net.singles
Subject: Re: paying for meals
Message-ID: <5385@utzoo.UUCP>
Date: Mon, 1-Apr-85 03:23:28 EST
Article-I.D.: utzoo.5385
Posted: Mon Apr  1 03:23:28 1985
Date-Received: Mon, 1-Apr-85 03:23:28 EST
References: <1386@decwrl.UUCP>
Organization: U of Toronto Zoology
Lines: 30

I think that I was misunderstood. I am uncomfortable in situations where
one person pays for everything -- ie all meals, all rent, all utilities,
and all outings. I have, however, worked both sides of the ``I can't
afford to eat out'' street -- there have been times when if anyone wanted
to go out to dinner with me they would have to do all the paying, and there
are people whom I always pay for whenever we go out for dinner. 

I don't force my way into paying if other people want to, mind you. I
would assume that if someone didn't want to go out with me because I
was paying for dinner that they were the one with the problem. I wouldn't
assume that I had used any sort of power over them -- I ask people out
because I value their company, not because I am keeping track of who
pays for what.

I wonder. Have I been intimidateing the hell out of people because I
invite them out and pay for the outing? It has never occurred to me.
I work on the ``them that asks, pays'' principle but I am always willing to
split the cost if anybody wants to. I don't see why someone should find this
intimidating. The only conclusion that I can make is that some people don't
or won't accept that I find their company worthwhile enough to shell out
hard cash for the opportunity to eat dinner with them. Such people *must*
be insecure, or otherwise they would have no trouble understanding that
I value them enough to ask them out for dinner. (I remember when I was
insecure enough to not believe that anybody would like my company to do
anything with.) This is a real lousy state to be in, but there is nothing that
I can do about it. I don't think that I should stop asking people out to
dinner and paying for dinner because they might be that insecure...

Laura Creighton
utzoo!laura