Relay-Version: version B 2.10 5/3/83; site utzoo.UUCP Posting-Version: version B 2.10.1 6/24/83; site ttidcc.UUCP Path: utzoo!watmath!clyde!bonnie!akgua!sdcsvax!dcdwest!ittvax!decvax!genrad!panda!talcott!harvard!seismo!cmcl2!philabs!ttidca!ttidcc!hollombe From: hollombe@ttidcc.UUCP (The Polymath) Newsgroups: net.singles Subject: loneliness Message-ID: <313@ttidcc.UUCP> Date: Fri, 29-Mar-85 14:43:41 EST Article-I.D.: ttidcc.313 Posted: Fri Mar 29 14:43:41 1985 Date-Received: Tue, 2-Apr-85 05:29:09 EST References: <372@nmtvax.UUCP> <269@unm-la.UUCP> Reply-To: hollombe@ttidcc.UUCP (The Polymath) Organization: The CAT Factory Lines: 53 Summary: In article <269@unm-la.UUCP> morgan@unm-la.UUCP writes: > If I were to ask: > > 1) how many people are lonely, such that it hurts. > or > 2) how many people are lonely, such that they would say that they are > dying of loneliness. I've spent most of my life being alone in one sense or another. I've now reached a point where I don't know how to be anything else and I'm not sure I want to be. I've grown accustomed to going my own way and start to feel claustrophobic when others encroach on my space. It's taken a lot of years and some considerable pain for me to come to terms with loneliness, but I do seem to have arrived at an accomodation. Interestingly, at just about the time I accepted the situation, I found new opportunities to meet people an make friends popping up in my life. I have no idea if the two conditions are at all related, but suddenly I find I can usually have all the companionship I want (not much these days), and my main problem is to keep people from taking up too much of my time. Looking back on my life, I think that much of my loneliness was self- imposed. I refused to let myself believe that anyone could really like me. After all, suppose I believed and was wrong? Better to be alone than rejected, I thought. The few times I did come out of my shell I always managed to be attracted to someone who was certain to reject me, as if to prove "see, I was right all along". I broke out of the vicious cycle one day while recovering from a particularly disastrous relationship. It was as though a timer went off in my head and a voice announced "You have suffered enough. You are free to go.". From that point on, I started taking care of myself and stopped seeking rejection. I still get rejected from time to time, of course, but it's no longer taken as proof of my worthlessness. I'd like to close with the lines from my favorite cartoon strip by Jules Feiffer (who else?). It hangs on my wall to this day: I live inside a shell ... that is inside a wall ... that is inside a fortress ... that is inside a tunnel ... that is under the sea ... where I am safe ... from you. If you really loved me you'd find me. The final frame shows a person in a row-boat on the sea with the top of the tunnel visible well underwater. I think that says it all. -- -_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_- The Polymath (aka: Jerry Hollombe) Citicorp TTI 3100 Ocean Park Blvd. Santa Monica, CA 90405 (213) 450-9111, ext. 2483 {philabs,randvax,trwrb,vortex}!ttidca!ttidcc!hollombe