Relay-Version: version B 2.10 5/3/83; site utzoo.UUCP Posting-Version: version B 2.10.2 9/18/84; site ucbvax.ARPA Path: utzoo!watmath!clyde!burl!ulysses!mhuxr!mhuxt!houxm!ihnp4!ucbvax!okamoto From: okamoto@ucbvax.ARPA (Jeff Okamoto) Newsgroups: net.games Subject: Real Men Message-ID: <5883@ucbvax.ARPA> Date: Fri, 29-Mar-85 11:42:43 EST Article-I.D.: ucbvax.5883 Posted: Fri Mar 29 11:42:43 1985 Date-Received: Sat, 30-Mar-85 01:25:16 EST Distribution: net Organization: University of California at Berkeley Lines: 198 The following is something that I and some friends of mine have come up with. It is in the vein of "Real Men do this, that, and the other". Other categories include Real Role-Players, Loonies, and Munchkins (those annoying little kids). While this might belong better in net.games.frp, I think that it should be enjoyed by all who read net.games. So, here it is: Favorite FRPG: Real Men play AD&D Real Role-Players play RuneQuest Loonies play a variant Spawn of Fashan Munchkins play anything by TSR Favorite SFRPG: Real Men play Star Trek: The Role-Playing Game Real Role-Players play Space Opera Loonies play a very variant Spawn of Fashan Muchkins play anything by TSR Favorite 1920's RPG: Real men play Gangbusters Real Role-players play Call of Cthulhu Loonies play an extremely variant Spawn of Fashan Munchkins play anything by TSR Favorite SHRPG: Real Men play Champions Real Role-Players play Superworld Loonies play an unrecognizably variant Spawn of Fashan Munchkins play anything by TSR Favorite Magazine: Real Men read The Dragon Real Role-Players read Different Worlds Loonies read comic books Munchkins read anything by TSR Favorite Dungeon Activity Real Men fight Red Dragons Real Role-Players bluff the Ogres Loonies tell dirty jokes to Green Slime Munchkins do whatever gives the most experience Favorite Melee Weapon: Real Men use Broadswords/Bastard Swords Real Role-Players use Rapiers Loonies use Stage Knives Munchkins use whatever gives the most plusses Favorite Thrown Weapon: Real Men throw Spears/Javelins Real Role-Players throw Bolas Loonies throw their friends Munchkins throw whatever gives the most plusses Favorite Missile Weapon: Real Men shoot Long Bows/Composite Bows Real Role-Players shoot Crossbows Loonies shoot Twinkie Bazookas Munchkins shoot whatever gives the most plusses Favorite Science Fiction Weapon: Real Men use Laser Pistols/Blasters/Light Sabers Real Role-Players use Stun Guns Loonies use Thermonuclear Hand Grenades Muchkins use whatever gives the most plusses Favorite Spell: Real Men throw Fireballs Real Role-Players throw Hold Person Loonies throw magic items Muchkins throw Smite Ruler/Transfer Loyalty of Populace Favorite Alignment: Real Men are Lawful Neutral Real Role-Players are Chaotic Good Loonies are Amoral Silly Munchkins are whatever gives the most plusses Favorite Religious-type Character: Real Men play Paladins Real Role-Players play Clerics Loonies play Archpope Munchkins play Demigods Favorite Non-human as a PC: Real Men play Dwarfs Real Role-Players play Half-elfs Loonies play a Dwarf-Elf halfbreed Munchkins play whatever gives the most plusses Favorite Undead to Summon: Real Men summon Ghosts Real Role-Players summon Wraiths Loonies send in a troll with a sheet Muchkins summon Cerberus Favorite Way of Extracting Information from the Goblins: Real Men torture them Real Role-Players cast Legend Lore Loonies tell puns to them Munchkins peek behind the GM's shield Favorite Demon/Devil: Real Men like Asmodeus Real Role-Players like Demogorgon Loonies like Spiro Agnew Muchkins like Satan's grandfather Favorite God: Real Men worship Humakt Real Role-Players worship Issaries Loonies worship Hare Krishna Munchkins worship whoever gives the most plusses Favorite Magic Item: Real Men love Adamantine Claws Real Role-Players love Repulsor Rays Loonies love Radioactive Teeth Muchkins love Uru's Hammer Favorite Potion: Real Men drink potions of Superheroism Real Role-Players drink potions of Animal/Plant Control Loonies drink potions of Jell-O Munchkins drink potions of Deity Control Favorite Ring: Real Men wear rings of Elemental Control Real Role-Players wear rings of Free Action Loonies wear rings of Smurf Control Munchkins wear rings of Infinite Wishes Favorite Stick (ie, Rod/Staff/Wand): Real Men wield staves of Striking Real Role-Players wield staves of Healing Loonies wield staves of styrofoam Munchkins wield staves of Deity Power Favorite NPC: Real Men like Tarl Cabot Real Role-Players like Medea Loonies like Doctor Who Munchkins like Darth Vader Favorite Familiar-type Real Men have Black Cats Real Role-Players have Owls Loonies have Snails Munchkins have whatever gives the most plusses/Ancient Red Dragons Favorite Elf-type: Real Men like the Pini's elves Real Role-Players like Tolkien's elves Loonies like Santa's elves Munchkins like Storm Giants with pointed ears Favorite Dwarf-type: Real Men like Tolkien's Dwarfs Real Role-Players like Glorantha's Dwarfs Loonies like the Seven Dwarfs Munchkins like Earth Elementals with beards Favorite Superhero: Real Men like Wolverine Real Role-Players like The Spirit Loonies like Obnoxio Munchkins like Galactus Favorite Actor: Real Men like John Wayne Real Role-Players like Claus Kinski Loonies like Curly Munchkins watch Saturday-morning cartoons Favorite Actress: Real Men like Racquel Welch Real Role-Players like Adrienne Barbeau Loonies like Phyllis Diller Muchkins are far too young to know about Sex Favorite Method of Space Travel Real Men use Hyperspace/Warp Drive Real Role-Players use suspended animation Loonies use the Infinite Improbability Drive Muchkins push the button and it goes Favorite Convention Activity: Real Men "Do the Dealer's Room" Real Role-Players go to the seminars Loonies play video games Munchkins run and shout and cut in lines If you can think of any more, send them to: ..!ucbvax!okamoto okamoto%miro@Berkeley.arpa