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From: dpw@rayssd.UUCP
Newsgroups: net.jokes
Subject: New IBM Operating System
Message-ID: <676@rayssd.UUCP>
Date: Tue, 26-Mar-85 13:16:45 EST
Article-I.D.: rayssd.676
Posted: Tue Mar 26 13:16:45 1985
Date-Received: Wed, 27-Mar-85 04:55:51 EST
Organization: Raytheon Co., Portsmouth RI
Lines: 61

<bug line has been omitted due to any thing that has IBM in it does have bugs>

				        PROGRAMMING ANNOUNCEMENT


New Operating System

Because so many users have  asked  for an operating system of even greater
capability  than  IBM's  current  VM  system,   IBM announces  the Virtual
Universe Operating System, OS/VU.

Running under OS/VU, the  individual user appears  to  have  not  merely a
machine of his own, but an  entire  universe  dedicated to his actions, in
which he can  set  up  and  take down his own programs, data sets, systems
networks,   personnel,  national  entities,   world  trade  systems,   and
planetary and  solar  systems.    He  need  only  specify  the universe he
desires,  and  the OS/VU system generation program (IBHGOD) does the rest.
This program will reside in SYS1.GODLIB.   The  minimum  time required for
this function is six days of dedicated machine time and one day of review.
In conjunction with OS/VU, all system utilities  have been replaced by one
program (IEHPROPHET)  which  will  reside  in  SYS1.MESSIAN.  This program
requires no parms or control cards as it knows what you want to do when it
is executed.

Naturally,  the user must have attained a certain degree of sophistication
in the data processing field if an efficient utilization of OS/VU is to be
achieved.  Frequent calls to non-resident galaxies, for instance, can lead
to unexpected and lengthy delays in the execution of a job.  Although IBM,
through its wholly  owned  subsidiary  the  United States, is working on a 
program to upgrade the speed of light and  thus  reduce  the  overhead  of
extraterrestrial  and  metadimensional  paging,   users  must  be still be
careful  to stay well within the present laws of physics.  IBM must charge
an additional fee for violations.

OS/VU  will  run on any IBM x0xx ultraprocessor equipped with the Extended
WARP  Feature.    Rental  prices  are  commensurate  with  the   processor
performance, and should be  negotiated  prior to ordering to insure proper
understanding of the rental contract obligations.

Users should be aware that IBM is planning to migrate all existing systems
and  hardware to OS/VU as soon as our engineers and programmers effect one
output  that  is (conceptually) error-free.  This will give IBM a base for
development  of an even  more powerful operating system, targeted for year
2001, designated "Virtual Reality", OS/VR.  OS/VR is planned to enable the
user to migrate to totally  unreal  universes,  of a  free form nature and
completely  unrelated  to present reality as currently defined by IBM.  To
aid  the user  in identifying the difference between "Virtual Reality" and
"Actual Reality"  (commonly  termed  "Native   Reality"), a   master  file
containing   a  linear   arrangement  of  multisensory  total  records  of
successive  moments  of  new  will  be established.  It will be designated
SYS1.EST.     Programming   announcements   concerning   OS/VR   will   be 
telepathically  forwarded  as  they  are available, rendering it no longer
necessary  to  contact  your  IBM  data processing representative for more
information.

-- 
	Darryl Wagoner
	Raytheon Co.; Portsmouth RI; (401)-847-8000 x4089
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