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Path: utzoo!utcsri!utai!utflis!lgondor
From: lgondor@utflis.UUCP (Les Gondor)
Newsgroups: net.jokes
Subject: better mousetraps
Message-ID: <133@utflis.UUCP>
Date: Mon, 1-Apr-85 15:31:27 EST
Article-I.D.: utflis.133
Posted: Mon Apr  1 15:31:27 1985
Date-Received: Tue, 2-Apr-85 01:59:50 EST
Distribution: net
Organization: FLIS, University of Toronto
Lines: 45


Place cat in trap; cat is polar opposite of mouse; opposites attract.
Cat attracts mouse. Remove mouse from interior of cat.  Re-assemble.

Strew house with cheese-flavoured steel wool.  Apply magnetic field
to trap.  Mouse eats steel wool.  A concentrated beam of mice flows
into trap.  Cut beam into small sections to obtain individual mice.

Assume that there *are* mice in the house.  Ascertain that there are
*no* mice in the area outside the trap.  Therefore, there is a mouse
inside the trap.  Go look.

Assume that there are no mice in the house.  Question the necessity
of the trap.  Decide that the trap prevents the occurrence of mice.
Forget the whole thing.

Place a photograph of cheese inside the trap.  Catch a photograph of
a mouse.  Assume that the mouse will eventually drop by to pick up
his picture.  Wait.

Locate mouse-hole.  Invert it and mouse will fall out.  Pick him up
and put him into trap.  Smile inscrutably.

Spray infinite area outside trap with mouse repellent.  Mouse will
be forced into trap.  Spray area inside trap with mouse repellent.
Mouse will be forced into your waiting hands.  Gloat.

Place condensed mouse in trap.  Add water.  Wait ten seconds for
mouse to rehydrate.  Stir well.

Ascribe mouse-like qualities to anything that enters the trap.
Be eloquent.

Postulate that there is no good reason why a mouse ought not to be
in the trap.  Assuming the universe to be reasonable, you find that
there *is* a mouse in the trap.  Grab him before the universe becomes
less reasonable.


Reprinted from CHIME, Chicago Mensa Newsletter.

Les Gondor, U of Toronto CSRI
{cornell,ihnp4,allegra,uw-beaver,decvax!utzoo}!utcsri![utflis!]lgondor
CSNET: lgondor@toronto		ARPA: lgondor%Toronto@CSNet-Relay
From here on down, it's uphill all the way.