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From: beth@sphinx.UChicago.UUCP (beth d. christy)
Newsgroups: net.jokes
Subject: Sophie Tucker jokes
Message-ID: <265@sphinx.UChicago.UUCP>
Date: Sun, 31-Mar-85 00:31:43 EST
Article-I.D.: sphinx.265
Posted: Sun Mar 31 00:31:43 1985
Date-Received: Tue, 2-Apr-85 06:25:35 EST
Organization: U. Chicago - Computation Center
Lines: 27

So on one of Bette Midler's albums, she does (at least) four Sophie Tucker
jokes.  I can only remember 3 of 'em.  I'll tell the ones I know if somebody
will supply the other(s).  Here goes:

(1)  I wuz in bed last night with my boyfriend Ernie, and Ernie sez to me,
     he sez "Soph, ya got no tits and a tight box."  So I sez to him "Ernie",
     I sez, "get off my back."

(2)  I wuz talkin to my boyfriend Ernie's faddah the other night, and he sez
     to me "Soph", he sez, "I'm 80 years old now, and I just got me a 20 year
     old girlfriend.  Whaddya tink o' that, Soph?".  So I sez to him "Ernie,
     Sr.", I sez, "when I get to be 80 years old, I'm gonna get me a 20
     year old boyfriend, and I'll be a helluva lot better off than you are
     now.  Cuz Ernie Sr., let me tell you, 20 goes into 80 a helluva lot more
     than 80 goes into 20."

(3)  I wuz in be last night with my boyfriend Ernie, the World War I flying
     ace.  And just when things are goin good, he gets up and goes to garage
     and comes back with gallon of gasoline, which he pours all over my
     private parts.  But when he stepped back to light a match, I sez to him
     "Ernie", I sez, "whaddya doin?!"  And he sez to me "Soph", he sez,"when
     lucky Ernie goes down, he goes down in flames."

Anybody out there remember the rest??

                                      Yours in inanity,
                                        -- JB