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From: laura@utzoo.UUCP (Laura Creighton)
Newsgroups: net.singles
Subject: Re: Usage of Women vs. Girls
Message-ID: <5361@utzoo.UUCP>
Date: Wed, 27-Mar-85 23:03:57 EST
Article-I.D.: utzoo.5361
Posted: Wed Mar 27 23:03:57 1985
Date-Received: Wed, 27-Mar-85 23:03:57 EST
References: <936@utcsri.UUCP>
Organization: U of Toronto Zoology
Lines: 45

Unfortunately, Tom, it is not that simple. The number of women who
are offended by the term ``woman'' is not negligable. In particular,
what is more likely to offend a ramndom female found on the street
varies a great deal depending on where one is. I already know that
my relatives in North Carolina are all extremely offended by the
term ``woman'' by experience, and I infer that they are not unusual in
that respect. From where they stand ``woman'' is what you use to
describe someone who is not a ``lady'' and it is important to be a
``lady''. Now, back in Vancouver where I learned to use these words,
``lady'' conveyed the impression of ``supercilious, condescending
prig'' which is not, evidently what my NC relatives get out of the
word. They appear to get ``boor'' and perhaps even ``strumpet'' out
of the word ``woman''.

So, again, we are back to ``what words we use to address people is not
position independent''. This is a fairly good rule to have around all the
time. It saves you from making the common mistakes of assuming that
``everybody is like me (or else they are wrong)'' and ``all the world
is like my home town''. You will make these mistakes often enough
anyway, so cutting down on them seems a good idea.

I have a few other basics rules for these circumstances. Rule 1 is,
try to call everybody what they have told you they like to be called.
Rule 2 is, anybody who flies into a rage because you automatically don't
call them what they prefer being called has either a) had a bad day,
b) been telling other people this all day and is sick of it or c) is
a walking argument waiting to happen. Rule 3 is, it is tough work changing how
one speaks casually -- especially if someone is asking you to do something
which you have hitherto considered rude. Therefore, take it easy on
the people who are making the effort but still get it wrong.

It is cruel to assume that people who don't do thing your way are
X, where X can be a wide variety of things -- sexist, bigotted, racist,
prudes, nazis, communists... Sometimes, of course, this assumption is
correct, but you would do well to watch the person for a while before
making this assumption. Far too many times it is simply that that
person ``does things differently'' for no particular reason except that
this is how one has learned how to do things. Unfortunately, too many
people like to get out the label, because once they have applied it
they feel that they can get around the difficulty of remembering that
somebody else is, first and formost, a human being.

Laura Creighton
utzoo!laura