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From: chabot@miles.DEC (L S Chabot)
Newsgroups: net.singles
Subject: Re: paying for meals
Message-ID: <1386@decwrl.UUCP>
Date: Thu, 28-Mar-85 17:52:48 EST
Article-I.D.: decwrl.1386
Posted: Thu Mar 28 17:52:48 1985
Date-Received: Mon, 1-Apr-85 03:05:33 EST
Sender: johnsson@decwrl.UUCP
Organization: DEC Engineering Network
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Karl Malik
>>	But, changing the world is one thing, and having a good
>>	relationship is another. Paying for meals (consistantly) is a way
>>	of obtaining power over another person.

Laura Creighton

> Really? I would assume that only a very insecure person would consider
> my wanting to go out for dinner as a way of obtaining power over anyone.
> In that case, I would already have the power (by virtue of their being
> insecure) and there wouldn't be much I could do about it. 
...
> I would end up resenting the sort of relationship where somebody paid for
> *everything* over the course of a long period of time, but as far as a
> few dozen dinners go -- what's the hassle? 

But what Karl is saying is *consistently paying*.  So what's your complaint,
Laura: you agree with Karl that consistently paying is a bad thing.  Karl
proposes that it has to do with power in a relationship.  I think this has
validity.  You say you would resent such a situation: why?

And no, you don't necessarily have much power over insecure people.  Insecure
people, not being sure whether you liked them or not, might run off and find
a new person to date, if they don't feel satisfactorily assured.

Hasn't anybody else here gone out with folks who were not sure of what one
does when paying for a date?  (Or isn't anybody someone like this?)  Whoops,
that's probably why we're discussing it, right?  Or have gone out with someone
with very different ideas about who pays and who doesn't? (-: hint: the
waitress/waiter, she/he usually doesn't pay :-)  On the first time out for
dinner, sometimes there are so many other things to discuss (or sometimes
just staring starry-eyed at each other) that hashing out checks might not have
time for discussion; but probably it's a good thing to communicate sometime
soon. Sometimes this communication isn't verbal, like some have described the
comfortable arrangements among friends with varying amounts of pocket money, or
like the funny look on someone's face when you try to treat them too much. 
What's "too"?  Well, "too" is when the other person gets a funny look on their
face.  Some people consider it impolite to argue about the check (their word,
"argue", an impolite one, yours might be "discuss" or "negotiate") and so may
resort to wrinkling their eyebrows.  (-: hint: don't laugh :-)

?,
L S Chabot
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