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From: regard@ttidcc.UUCP (Adrienne Regard)
Newsgroups: net.singles
Subject: Single men having kids
Message-ID: <321@ttidcc.UUCP>
Date: Fri, 5-Apr-85 13:30:24 EST
Article-I.D.: ttidcc.321
Posted: Fri Apr  5 13:30:24 1985
Date-Received: Sun, 7-Apr-85 07:24:51 EST
Organization: TTI, Santa Monica, CA.
Lines: 25


I had my first kid by myself, after the breakup of my marriage, and it
all went pretty well.  So, when I got to thinking about a second, I
was interested in a male "donor", since I wasn't currently interested
in anyone enough to consider a "partnership" of any kind.

At the time, I knew some pretty weird and even irresponsible people.  When
I discussed this idea with some of the men I knew well, they all could
handle the idea hypothetically, but not personally.  Every last one of them
(small sampling of about 12.  I knew the first 3 well, and then got curious
and asked other people I wouldn't have chosen) emphatically stated that they
would not "father" a child knowing that they couldn't "parent" it (that
was one of my conditions).  Really rather surprised me, since it isn't
difficult to pick up a guy at a bar and take him home with you, and he'd
never know the difference 9 months down the line, and most of the guys
I talked to had been in THAT situation more than once.  Suffice to say
that their response came from the hypothetical situation, not reaction
to me physically or my success as a parent.  We covered that.

It must be tough for a man to try to have a kid without any ongoing
"assistance" of a woman.  Possession and ownership and all that.  I'd be
curious as to how the men who want children without marriage solve that
dilemma.  While I understand the desire, I can't say that I'd go through
a pregnancy and all it entails, and then hand the kid off to someone else.
Not even for a _really_ good friend.