Relay-Version: version B 2.10 5/3/83; site utzoo.UUCP
Posting-Version: version B 2.10.2 9/18/84; site utcsri.UUCP
Path: utzoo!utcsri!ray
From: ray@utcsri.UUCP (Raymond Allen)
Newsgroups: net.singles
Subject: Re: The role of love in a happy life
Message-ID: <1005@utcsri.UUCP>
Date: Tue, 9-Apr-85 17:18:39 EST
Article-I.D.: utcsri.1005
Posted: Tue Apr  9 17:18:39 1985
Date-Received: Tue, 9-Apr-85 17:33:46 EST
References: <338@boulder.UUCP>
Distribution: net
Organization: CSRI, University of Toronto
Lines: 60


	Jonathan Corbet (jon@boulder) asks (in effect): "What role does
love play in a happy life?"

	From what I gathered from his article, Jon is trying to reconcile
the effects of two conflicting attitudes that society suggests we adopt
when considering choosing a MOTAS.  *disclaimer* -- The following arguments
are to be considered as generalizations only.  Please don't flame me
on minor points.  If you have an argument which suggests that my thesis
is garbage -- fine let's hear it.  Otherwise think before you drop any
nukes.

	OK -- now to the good stuff.  Let me present two policies
that one might adopt when looking for a MOTAS.

First:  The Traditional	Approach (my name for it)

	This attitude is borne from the fact that, in times say >300 (?)
years ago, marriage was usually not a choice of the two persons
directly involved, but was generally arranged by others (usually family).
This practice is still common in many societies today, of course.  The
factors which influenced the choice of MOTAS are well understood:  For
men:  Should be wealthy or at least capable of providing the necessities
of life.  Men should be healthy, strong (physically and mentally),
take command of the household.  It would be nice if the man is highly
placed within his peer group and respected by his friends.  For Women:
Should be attractive, able to bear children, able to work perform their
"wifely" duties, and so on.  The obvious thing missing here is that love
is not mentioned.  The usual remark was that "You'll learn to love each
other".  This was often true, and sometimes not.  But economic and other
conditions forced this type of system on people and it worked (well we
survived didn't we?).

Nowadays:  The Romantic Love Approach

	In today's society most of us are capable of being self-supporting
and thus the economic and social conditions which tended to cause families
to arrange marriages are not particularly relevant.  Thus we have adopted
the thinking that it is the loving attraction between people that is the
significant factor in choosing a MOTAS.  We search for that special
feeling in ourselves that we have towards another and let that be our
guide.

	Now, it is apparant that the romantic love approach has caused
all sorts of trouble but it seems (and I agree) that it offers much
greater potential for human growth and fufillment.  The only point
that I would add is that I feel that the traditional approach still
offers some merit.  Wheras I do not suggest that people let their
families choose their MOTAS's for them, I do suggest that the criteria
recommended in the traditional approach are, to some degree, important
and they should be weighed in when one is making a choice.

	Ok, enough said.  If anyone is interested I can even use the
above thesis to explain why our attitudes towards premaritial sex
have shifted and why there is such consternation over the issue.

	Ta ta for now,

					Ray Allen
					utcsri!ray