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From: moriarty@fluke.UUCP (The Napoleon of Crime)
Newsgroups: net.flame,net.tv
Subject: Dept. of Misc. Petty Grievances
Message-ID: <469@vax2.fluke.UUCP>
Date: Tue, 26-Mar-85 02:41:19 EST
Article-I.D.: vax2.469
Posted: Tue Mar 26 02:41:19 1985
Date-Received: Thu, 28-Mar-85 00:00:15 EST
Distribution: net
Organization: Somewhere in Soho
Lines: 40
Xref: watmath net.flame:8976 net.tv:2706

Just watching tonight's Oscar awards, and the unavoidable commercials,
and decided to open up a column I've wanted to do for a very long
time: The Dept. of Misc. Petty Grievances.  A few choice examples:

- Advertisers reducing the ideals of America to sporting nature,
drunken good fellowship, and the beers we drink.

- Polls which, having determined a majority view (though it may be by
.001%), are announced under the banner "WE are [jogging more, not
getting enough carbohysrates, feeling better about ourselves,
hopelessly confused]."  Even worse is when 'WE' is replaced with
'YOU'. I want to rip open the U.S.A. Today trendy paper dispenser,
stick my head in and yell, "Speak for yourselves, dirtbags!"

- Those little female twits who populate Burger King commercials, and
are constantly passing out bubbling superiority like religious pamphlets
outside of a Scientologist headquarters.  I'm no McDonald's fan, but
I'd enjoy seeing whether these munchkins stand up better to flash
frying or flame-broiling.

----

Oh, a better line for Prince's acceptance speech for the best
songwriter, or whatever:  "I'd like... to thank my... mother... and my
sister... and most of all... the pharmacist who I visited before the
show tonight."

And Sally Field (for SCTV afficionados): "I want to bear ALL YOUR
CHILDREN!  HAAA...."

    "I'm going to have you wrapped in a U.S. flag and burned personally by the
     President, in high octane American gasoline!"

					Moriarty, aka Jeff Meyer
					John Fluke Mfg. Co., Inc.
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