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From: ables@mcc-db.UUCP (King Ables)
Newsgroups: net.singles
Subject: SOs leaving town
Message-ID: <160@mcc-db.UUCP>
Date: Sat, 20-Apr-85 01:49:49 EST
Article-I.D.: mcc-db.160
Posted: Sat Apr 20 01:49:49 1985
Date-Received: Mon, 22-Apr-85 06:45:53 EST
Distribution: net
Organization: MCC (Austin, TX)
Lines: 60

["You can't go!  All the plants will die!"	-John Winger]

In an effort to forget about the recent mud that's been flung around
here, I'm going to introduce a new topic.  I've talked to others who
have felt better just getting something off their chest here, so I'll try.

SOs leaving town force one of three changes in the relationship (assuming
you don't follow): 1) LDR, 2) on hold indefinitely or 3) tt-t-that's all folks.

My future former SO (got that?) just got a great job... in another city.
I've never had an LDR but have heard how tough they are.  She's had one,
and doesn't want another.  We both seem to agree that it's going to end
the relationship.  I guess I could hold out for "on hold" but I don't
feel like that's very fair to anybody (me, her, or anyone either of us
might meet in the meantime).

The problem is, we could be together and happy for a long time yet.
Neither of us feels that a PERMANENT relationship (i.e. marriage) would
result (although she's a little more convinced of that than I am, but
basicly I agree, and if I can be this unsure, she's probably right,
right?).

But while I hate the thought of losing all the time we could share
together being really happy, I also love her enough to want her to do
this (because it'll be good for her career, because she's excited about
the job, because it's more money, etc.) and to not tie her down emotionally
with something that might not last anyway.  She loves me enough to be honest
with me about what potential she feels our relationship has and not string me
along for as long as I'll follow. [ Maybe being strung along for just a little
while wouldn't be so bad, though :-) ]

So the selfish side of me is gearing up to be really unhappy.  Even if she
changed her mind, I'd feel responsible for her missing something she should
have.  Then I'd still be unhappy.  Looks like I've gotten myself into a
corner.  Talk about a no-win situation  :-(.

I guess I should look on the bright side, at least I don't feel like 
I've lost my reason to go on.  I'm not going to like it, but I can see
right now that I'll be over her someday, even though I'm not the type
that gets over people easily.  It'll probably take a long time.  I'm
still working on getting completely over somebody from 9+ years ago
(even if it was only 9th grade).  Actually, I think I might have finally
gotten over that one recently.  Now it's this one that's going to hang on.

I *do* still have a real good friend.  We're still seeing each other,
until she moves.  I'm trying to squeeze in every moment I can get.

If anybody has any gems like "it is better to have loved and lost..."
I could use a couple these days.  Maybe we ought to change one that's
been showing up lately:

	If you love something, let it go.  It still might love you
	even if it doesn't come back.

-King
ARPA: ables@mcc
UUCP: {ihnp4,seismo,ctvax}!ut-sally!mcc-db!ables

"The problem is, we're both looking for a custom fit in an off-the-rack
 world."	-Hawkeye