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From: clark@sdcsla.UUCP (Clark Quinn)
Newsgroups: net.singles
Subject: Re: The role of love in a happy life
Message-ID: <832@sdcsla.UUCP>
Date: Wed, 10-Apr-85 21:00:12 EST
Article-I.D.: sdcsla.832
Posted: Wed Apr 10 21:00:12 1985
Date-Received: Sun, 14-Apr-85 02:08:23 EST
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Organization: U.C. San Diego, Cognitive Science Lab
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> 	I have a subject that has become of great interest to me lately,
> and I am curious to know what others think.  The question is: What is the
> proper role for love in one's life?  What importance should it have; how
> much effort should one put into finding it; is it vital to a happy life?
> 	You see, I have encountered two very different attitudes with 
> respect to this question.  The first is the one I was raised with, and
> it holds that love is everything.  The second view is that love is a luxury.

Jonathan brings up an interesting question here, and I can sympathize with
his dilemma.  I, too, went through some of the same questions after the 
breakup of a long relationship.  Two or three other responses have touched on 
aspects of this (thanks, Dana and Greg and ?), but I think that an essential 
viewpoint was missing (excuse me if I missed it).  

I believe that everyone needs love, and a love is a beautiful thing.  But
you don't need to have "a love" (you might need to have "a sex" or two or
more, but...).  You get love from a variety of sources, family, friends,
and, most importantly, from your self.  When you have the above, a love
(meaning an SO) can make life even better.  You don't need it, but when you
have it, yes, you feel life is amazing.

I guess I am advocating a position somewhat between the two viewpoints 
above, but closer to the second.  Your life shouldn't be dedicated to 
ensuring that you have "a love" (what an easy way to get into a relationship
that isn't right), but having one seems to be the most pleasant way to exist.
Others may contest this (Laura?), but for me this is true.  Now, I do believe
that while there isn't anyone who seems to be "a love", having a number
of fun, fine relationships is a healthy way to maintain life, but it just
seems that you (at least, I) occasionally find someone who seems to squelch 
interest in other "relationships".

As for concrete advice, Jonathan, you shouldn't assume that you have to 
go out and find another love.  Make sure you are happy and sure
of yourself, and love will find you (this is, essentially, what I 
think both Dana and Greg were saying).  It sounds simplistic, 
but if you work through the implications, I think you will see
that it can work.  From your message you seem to be a concerned
individual, and that will help.  Good luck, -- Clark


 Clark N. Quinn
 Institute for Cognitive Science C-015
 University of California, San Diego
 La Jolla, California 92093
 (619) 452-2541 (UCSD): (619) 481-0952 (Home)
 {ucbvax,decvax,akgua,dcdwest}!sdcsvax!sdcsla!clark  OR  clark@nprdc