Relay-Version: version B 2.10 5/3/83; site utzoo.UUCP Posting-Version: version B 2.10.2 9/18/84 SMI; site sun.uucp Path: utzoo!watmath!clyde!bonnie!akgua!sdcsvax!dcdwest!ittvax!decvax!decwrl!sun!sunny From: sunny@sun.uucp (Ms. Sunny Kirsten) Newsgroups: net.singles Subject: Re: Final Analysis Message-ID: <2109@sun.uucp> Date: Wed, 10-Apr-85 20:40:06 EST Article-I.D.: sun.2109 Posted: Wed Apr 10 20:40:06 1985 Date-Received: Sun, 14-Apr-85 02:24:28 EST References: <1597@decwrl.UUCP> Organization: Sun Microsystems, Inc. Lines: 113 > > > Sunny, > > Your problem is that you think in states, whereas reality > follows a continuous function. You wish to remove the imaginary > component from analysis, things that can't be proved, merely > demonstrated, like the theory of relativity. You perform a gross > misjustice. > > You will be recieving my bill in the mail. > > John. (Just as the node starts on it's way, a host of flame-shaped vessels became visible on the scanners) Rod: Funny you should mention Flamers-syndrome. Xaphod: Oh, hell! Gillian: What are they? Xaphod: Damn, those are ships belonging the Flamers. They go after anything, no matter how pointless or unimportant it is. If they catch us, we could suffer permanent brain damage, or worse yet - join the Moral Majority Arnold Lint: So this it it, we're all going to die! Martin: I told you that you would like it. Others: Oh Shut Up! (The commander of the Flamer's fleet appears on the screen. He appears to be a normal human, except for a small silver halo stapled to his head.) Flamer: I am Adolf Riteyus, commander of the Flaming Queen. You have violated Flaming space and must be blasted. You will be given a fair and drawn out hearing before you are found guilty. Rod: We didn't know this was Flaming space! Adolf: Ignorance is no excuse. Do you think that just because you don't know something you shouldn't be responsible for it? Why, if we didn't go around blasting people who thought they were innocent, there'd be no order. The whole power structure of the Net is based on the inalienable right to flame. He who flames the loudest and strongest will prevail, for he will have maintained purity of essence by not compromising his principles. It doesn't matter what one flames about, as long as one comes out a winner. Winning the argument for mandatory retroactive birth control is one of our greatest victories. We Flamers always win because we never give up. No, things are either our way or they're WRONG. Gillian: What should we do? Xaphod: How 'bout evasive actions? Marvin: It won't help. Rod: Oh shut up! Rod: OK, evasive action! Adolf: Where do you come from? Xaphod: Not from around here. Adolf: Where are you headed? Rod: Left. Gillian: That's telling him? Adolf: What is your favorite color? Arnold Lint: My what? Adolf: Your favorite color! Rod: White! Adolf: What is the maximum warp speed of a ladened Swaldrel? Xaphod: Denebian or Rigelian? Adolf: I don't know that . . . all right, enough evading, if you don't surrender in the next five seconds I'll blast you right out of existance. Rod: Well, now what. Adolf: Five! Arnold Lint: What's this button do? Adolf: Four! Xaphod: That's the Illogical Drive. It propels the node on power from hard drugs and acid rock. It's kind of dangerous though. Adolf: Three! Arnold Lint: Should we try it? Adolf: Two! Rod: Well, lets not . . . Four! Adolf: Four! Arnold Lint: So this is it, we're all going to die. Adolf: Three! Martin: I warned you about this trip. Adolf: Two! Xaphod: All right, all right, engage the Illogical Drive! Adolf: One! (Arnold Lint engages the Illogical drive. Images of the movie "Easy Rider" float across the view port. "In-a-gadda-da-vida" starts coming across the radio. The 12" CRT on Xaphod's shoulder starts scrolling "Wow man, what a trip!". The scanners show that the Flamers couldn't handle the sudden flood of sensory excitation and burst their brains. This only made their reactions a bit slower though as the Flamer's brain is remarkably small. The Infinity, charged up with Liquid Super Duetrillium, was able to make warp speed and turn the corner before the Highway patrol picked them up on radar. This was fortunate for it meant that they wouldn't be caught by Spiny Norman, the 45 foot blue hedgehog that had been following them.) Gillian: We made it. Rod: Yah, where are we Martin. Martin: We're way out man. Xaphod: Oh, he's useless now - it'll take a while before he comes down. Arnold Lint: At least he isn't so gloOmy. Martin: Nooo body knows, the trouble I've see . . . have any of you ever contemplated the death of a grain of salt? Appologies to HHGttN, Sunny -- {ucbvax,decvax,ihnp4}!sun!sunny (Ms. Sunny Kirsten)