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From: clark@sdcsla.UUCP (Clark Quinn)
Newsgroups: net.singles
Subject: Re: SOs leaving town
Message-ID: <839@sdcsla.UUCP>
Date: Tue, 23-Apr-85 18:16:47 EST
Article-I.D.: sdcsla.839
Posted: Tue Apr 23 18:16:47 1985
Date-Received: Fri, 26-Apr-85 05:16:59 EST
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Organization: U.C. San Diego, Cognitive Science Lab
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> My future former SO (got that?) just got a great job... in another city.

King, it sounds like you got yourself a unhappy situation there.  I know
it'll be hard to take, but you will get over it.  I have been in the same
situation (she decided to go to school somewhere else) and although
it took awhile, I got over it.  One thing I did was go on a backpacking
trip, and write a letter while I was on the trip.  I cried some, and
ended up with something like a 20 or 30 page letter (and I usually have
to psyche up for three weeks to write a thank you note).  But it helped
to get over it, spilling my feelings out on the page.  

Another thought is: when I have something unpleasant coming up I try to
take a standard approach to it.  First, see if I can change things: in your
case this  would be to do something like look for jobs in the same city
she's going to (they don't always have to follow you, you can follow them
once in a while).  If that is unreasonable, and after all your analysis
you can't find a way to make it better, be stoic about it and say to
yourself "I've done all I can, it is a bitter pill I am going to have to
swallow so GULP, I'll swallow it and try to make the best of it." (And then
think of ways to get even: letter bombs, calling her employers and  asking
if one of your patients has been applying for jobs there :-).

> I *do* still have a real good friend.  We're still seeing each other,
> until she moves.  I'm trying to squeeze in every moment I can get.

Like you said, make the most of the situation while she's here (make her 
miss you, the traitor :-), and then be prepared for some recuperation time.

> If anybody has any gems like "it is better to have loved and lost..."
> I could use a couple these days.  

I'm not much for quick and easy sayings (unless they're sarcastic:see end),
but you might try the advice of a book I once read ("How to survive
the loss of a love") and although you won't have to do much reassuring
yourself that you're worthwhile (I assume, she's not leaving you, she's
going to take a job), you still will want to take the advice of 
saying "Well, I have suffered a hurt here, I am going to pamper myself
awhile till the hurt goes away" and take yourself out to dinner,
buy decadent, hedonistic junk foods and eat them at home in front
of the TV or with a good book (not too much, or you'll have to 
get into serious exercise).  

Actually, the exercise bit reminds of  one tactic I used when I broke up
with my girlfriend of about 4 years, I decided to go on a self-improvement
kick to make me feel better about myself.  I moved into San Francisco from
the East Bay (to have easy access to the culture and culinary experiences),
I quit smoking, and I started exercising seriously.  With drastic changes
in my life anyways, I thought I would make some of them positive.  Not too
surprisingly, it seemed very effective.  Anyways, I wish you luck.  

> -King
> ARPA: ables@mcc
> UUCP: {ihnp4,seismo,ctvax}!ut-sally!mcc-db!ables

-- Clark

> Maybe we ought to change one that's been showing up lately:
>
> 	If you love something, let it go.  It still might love you
> 	even if it doesn't come back.

"If you love something, let it go, if it doesn't come back, HUNT IT DOWN
AND KILL IT."

 Clark N. Quinn
 Institute for Cognitive Science C-015
 University of California, San Diego
 La Jolla, California 92093
 (619) 452-2541 (UCSD): (619) 481-0952 (Home)
 {ucbvax,decvax,akgua,dcdwest}!sdcsvax!sdcsla!clark  OR  clark@nprdc