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From: lmf@drutx.UUCP (FullerL)
Newsgroups: net.motss
Subject: re: drugged and raped
Message-ID: <2710@drutx.UUCP>
Date: Wed, 8-May-85 10:07:19 EDT
Article-I.D.: drutx.2710
Posted: Wed May  8 10:07:19 1985
Date-Received: Thu, 9-May-85 02:57:01 EDT
Organization: AT&T Information Systems Laboratories, Denver
Lines: 40

This sounds like a complicated situation so I'm going to try to keep
that in mind and realize that I don't have all the info.

First, I think its very important that your friend seek some type of
rape crisis counseling. He was violated, raped and abused. It is important
that he work through it as soon as he can so he doesn't have to do it later.
No matter what he did or where he went he didn't deserve what happened
to him. No one deserves that kind of treatment. This is the kind of situation
where it's easy to blame yourself (blame the victim) and most people need
help to not do that. It is also important to let him make decisions for himself
about how to deal with some kind of reporting. This is so he can regain some
sense of control over his life and his body. Sometimes reporting won't do
anything except make him feel better which is a good enough reason. Also the
next time it happens and if another victim reports there is more evidence and
they are more likely to be believed.

About your feelings. You certainly have some reasons to be angry and I would
recommend that you discuss them with someone other than your friend. Often
the family and friends and lovers of rape victims feel the need for some
kind of counseling to deal with their feelings of anger and fear.
Probably the best thing you can do for him is listen to him and let him talk
about what happened and his feelings about what happened (if you can do it in
a nonjudgemental way, if not let him get those needs met elsewhere). 
Also you may be
able to help him explore options about reporting and support him in his
decisions.

I work on a rape crisis team and these are the suggestions we would give for
a woman who has been raped. I feel quite sure that they would be applicable
for a gay male rape victim as well. If either of you do decide to get 
counseling, please be careful who you go to. It needs to be someone with a 
good understanding of the after effects and dynamics of rape and someone
nonhomophobic. My choice as a lesbian woman would be a lesbian feminist 
therapist which might also be a reasonable solution for you. I've never
looked for a gay male feminist therapist but I bet they exist. The reason I
would insist on a feminist is that I think that the therapists view of what
rape is is an important factor.

	Hope this gives you some ideas,
		Lori Fuller ihnp4!drutx!lmf