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From: djs@opus.UUCP (Diana Spalding)
Newsgroups: net.singles,net.women
Subject: Re: dates (and dancing in bars and m/f behavior . . .)
Message-ID: <1162@opus.UUCP>
Date: Thu, 25-Apr-85 02:40:54 EST
Article-I.D.: opus.1162
Posted: Thu Apr 25 02:40:54 1985
Date-Received: Sat, 27-Apr-85 02:55:32 EST
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Organization: NBI,Inc, Boulder CO
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> > Recently I moved to New Jersey from Colorado for my job.
> > I have noticed at clubs that all the girls dance together
> > and all the guys stand around and drink. Is there a reason
> > these men go to clubs? I go to dance . . .

> from Greg Skinner (gregbo)
> Once when I was in a club, I was talking to another guy.  We were both compla
in-
> ing that none of the women wanted to dance except with each other.


> Do any of the women who read this group go out dancing?  Do you go with a dat
e
> or with other women?  How do you feel when no one asks you to dance?  How do
> you feel when even your boyfriend won't ask you to dance?


When I go to a bar where there's a band and people are dancing, I love
it when men ask me to dance (provided they aren't drunken slobs and/or
suffering from the wandering hands syndrome).  The only problem is that
the men often seem to PREFER to sit around and drink.  I think some women
(including myself) get disgusted and dance with eachother instead of
waiting around.  I suppose we could ask the men and sometimes I do, but
generally I don't because 1) It's a hard thing for me to do, since I've
been taught (socialized) to wait for men to take the initiative, and even
though I don't believe that's really a good thing to do, it's a hard
behavior to change, especially in certain social situations (like in bars),
and 2) these guys are extra intimidating when they're sitting at the bar
with a beer in their hands and have been all night (just leering at everyone).
The truth is that I really don't enjoy bars per se, I just love to dance.

It's funny you should mention clubs along the Jersey Shore (highway 35),
since that's where some of the first bars I ever went to were.  It was in
the late 70's, a few months after I had split up with a man I'd been living
with (he moved out).  I really didn't want to get involved with anyone at that 
point, so when I went to bars with my friends, I enjoyed dancing with the men, 
but I really objected to them hanging all over me, and trying to monopolize my 
time the rest of the evening.  Sometimes it was easier to just dance with my
friends (who were also sick of having these guys hanging all over them), or to 
dance in big groups like we did in some of the rowdier bars (you know, you all 
link arms or something).  Out here in Colorado I haven't found any rowdy (read 
*really fun*) bars, but maybe I'm not looking in the right places.

Anyhow, I'm all for men and women dancing together, as long as (for me
personally) the men are interested in dancing, and are not obnoxious.

Diana

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