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From: noemi@rochester.UUCP (Noemi Berry)
Newsgroups: net.singles,net.social
Subject: Re: What people look for in MOTAS
Message-ID: <9484@rochester.UUCP>
Date: Sun, 5-May-85 15:48:20 EDT
Article-I.D.: rocheste.9484
Posted: Sun May  5 15:48:20 1985
Date-Received: Tue, 7-May-85 07:20:47 EDT
References: <147@unc.UUCP>
Reply-To: noemi@rochester.UUCP (Noemi Berry(for Lab Manager))
Organization: U. of Rochester, CS Dept.
Lines: 94
Xref: linus net.singles:5951 net.social:477


      *****  This is long!  If you're in a hurry, 'j' it now! ******


>Since most people eventually do find SOMEBODY, I can only assume that
>most people do indeed possess at least some sex appeal.  So why do
>homely men have so much more trouble attracting beautiful women?
>Why do homely women have so much trouble attracting desirable men?
>Why, with most couples, are both partners comparably good looking?
>If people really do choose their mates primarily on the basis of
>character and personality, why aren't the pairings more random
>with respect to looks?
>
             ....

>
>	When judging your personality and character,
>	people are heavily influenced by how good-looking
>	you are.
>


	One interesting theory from social psychology has to do with 
people "matching" each other.  That is, IN GENERAL, people have a
pretty good concept of where they rate in attractiveness and tend to 
be attracted to those who are on about the same "level".  This
is an *extremely* broad generalization, but seems to hold true in many
cases.  
        I've rarely seen an awful-looking guy with a beautiful girl
or vice versa, but one does tend to see a lot of average-looking couples
or gorgeous couples or hideous couples.  (Then again, we have Christie
Brinkley and Billy Joel! :-) )

	Perhaps "matching" explains only the initial attraction - naturally
one's "matching" in looks might not be the best predictor in "matching"
for personality characteristics.  Or is it?  People who are attractive
are often percieved as socially adept, well-adjusted and happier (according
to social psych).  
	The theory is that because attractive people have always
been TREATED as though they're OK, they ARE OK.  Perhaps Blonds Have More
Fun because people *believe* Blonds Have More Fun and therefore *treat*
Blonds as though they Have More Fun, and therefore Blonds *DO* Have More
Fun (again, this is VERY broad - there are many miserable blonds and many
happy brunettes!)!  Does this sound like an infinite loop?

	So, if the matching theory holds up, one might meet more people 
who are "matched" in attractiveness, thereby increasing the chances
of winding up with someone matched in attractiveness, even though the
final factors may have nothing to do with attractiveness (directly).


>See how easy it is?  How do I personally choose my own dates, you ask?
>Why, I go on the basis of personality and character, just like you guys!
>
>	Frank Silbermann

	Yes, you probably go on the basis of personality and character that
may have been shaped partly by going through life as an attractive or 
unattractive person!

	[I certainly feel my personal life would be a lot different if 
I was 30 pounds heavier. I suspect my personality (often confident and 
friendly) would be different if I went through life perceiving myself 
as unattractive.  For a long time I DID perceive myself as unattractive - 
that kind of perception is acts as a self-fulfilling prophecy.  I guess I 
ACTED unattractive and hence MADE myself unattractive.  Now I feel I am 
judged on the basis of personality characteristics, many of those shaped by 
confidence developed from being perceived as attractive (well, cute).]

	Everything said here is largely hypothetical and reflects some
ideas from social psychology.   Please don't mail me telling me I'm 
completely wrong because you're gorgeous and your SO isn't!  These are
broad generalizations and suggestions!!!

	(Incidentally, what exactly IS an "MOTA"?)

						-Noemi Berry

-------------
"Some people make people happy wherever they go; others make people
 happy WHENever they go!"

UUCP: ...!{allegra, decvax, seismo}!rochester!noemi
ARPA: noemi@rochester.arpa
------------- 

-- 

-------------
"Some people make people happy wherever they go; others make people
 happy WHENever they go!"

UUCP: ...!{allegra, decvax, seismo}!rochester!noemi
ARPA: noemi@rochester.arpa