Relay-Version: version B 2.10 5/3/83; site utzoo.UUCP Posting-Version: version B 2.10.1 6/24/83; site ut-ngp.UUCP Path: utzoo!linus!philabs!cmcl2!seismo!ut-sally!ut-ngp!graner From: graner@ut-ngp.UUCP (Nicolas Graner) Newsgroups: net.jokes Subject: machine generated jokes Message-ID: <1727@ut-ngp.UUCP> Date: Sun, 12-May-85 06:03:20 EDT Article-I.D.: ut-ngp.1727 Posted: Sun May 12 06:03:20 1985 Date-Received: Tue, 14-May-85 08:17:04 EDT Organization: U.Texas Computation Center, Austin, Texas Lines: 54 I have taken the joke generator program that was posted here a while ago, and added to its dictionary many words taken from the canonical LBJ list. Including the original dictionary, this gave me 103 people, 54 actions and 74 things, i.e. 6,572,243,769,408 different possible jokes (not counting different values for the numbers). I haven't read them all yet, but here is a selection of the less terrible I have seen. (Yes, the others are even worse...) How many Newfoundlanders does it take to make a pregnant woman? 20. 9 to find the nose, and 11 to fix the trumpet. How many students does it take to unscrew a machine tool? 12. 1 to estimate the thesis, and 11 to rebuild the book. How many Virginians does it take to fix a budget? 3. 1 to chase the telephone, and 2 to explain how to do the semester's credit. How many gorillas does it take to eat a subroutine? 3. 2 to kill the subroutine, and 1 to rebuild the birthday cake. How many nuns does it take to make a experience? 14. 1 to sing the removal program, and 13 to figure out the song. How many civil servants does it take to rebuild a cabbage patch doll? 4. 1 to pick the paperwork, and 3 to sing about the dead baby. How many marxists does it take to pull a Unix hack? 10. 6 to fix the Lisp program, and 4 to hand out the removal program. How many anarchists does it take to watch a compiler? 16. 1 to hand out the UNIX system, and 15 to get the Fortran program. How many football players does it take to hand out a UNIX system? 4. 1 to kill the insertion program, and 3 to unscrew the data base. How many efficiency experts does it take to explain how to do a tech. report? 12. 6 to rebuild the electrician, and 6 to explain how to do the UNIX system. How many Bell Labs Vice Presidents does it take to write a phone number? Just one. Why should it take any more? How many `Real Men' does it take to do a Unix hack? Just one. Why should it take any more? How many DEC repairmen does it take to write a compiler? 6. 5 to feel guilty about the removal program, and 1 to change the airplane. Nic. {ihnp4,seismo,allegra,...}!ut-ngp!graner *If Murphy's law can go wrong, it won't*