Relay-Version: version B 2.10 5/3/83; site utzoo.UUCP
Posting-Version: version B 2.10.2.fluke 9/24/84; site tpvax.fluke.UUCP
Path: utzoo!linus!philabs!cmcl2!seismo!harvard!talcott!panda!genrad!decvax!tektronix!uw-beaver!fluke!inc
From: inc@fluke.UUCP (Ensign Benson, Space Cadet)
Newsgroups: net.jokes
Subject: HOROSCOPE: 5/14/85
Message-ID: <607@tpvax.fluke.UUCP>
Date: Mon, 13-May-85 15:38:25 EDT
Article-I.D.: tpvax.607
Posted: Mon May 13 15:38:25 1985
Date-Received: Thu, 16-May-85 08:28:42 EDT
Distribution: net
Organization: The Digital Circus, Sector R
Lines: 92



HOROSCOPE

For Tuesday, May 14, 1985

ARIES (Mar. 21 to Apr. 19)
Beware of delivery boys dressed as Greeks bearing gifts. Your partner in the
moonshine venture is tarred and feathered later this week. Strike while the
iron is hot, and get out of town before it's too late. Avoid tommyrot.

TAURUS (Apr. 20 to May 20)
Headline of National Enquirer holds an important clue about how to handle
the monoclonal antibodies that have recently invaded your immune system.
People are wondering why you keep stuffing paperclips up your nose. Don't
tell them.

GEMINI (May 21 to June 20)
OH WOW!! The moon enters your sun sign tonight, and things couldn't be
better! You win the yodeling contest, and first prize is an all-expense paid
trip for two to Guatemala. Be sure to invite that special Leo person.

CANCER (June 21 to July 22)
So the sign of the Crab has been told you have signs of the crabs, eh? I
told you weeks ago to give up to give up that thing you had going with the
llama. Give things a chance to return to normal before pursuing your
interests at the zoo.

LEO (July 23 to Aug. 22)
Gemini yodeler wants to get in your pants. Avoid Guatemala.

VIRGO (Aug. 23 to Sept. 22)
Such a pusillanimous twit you have turned out to be. Quit the job at
MacDonalds and further your career at a classy place. Monterey Jacks, for
example has taken fast food to a whole new place.

LIBRA (Sept. 23 to Oct. 22)
Coffee stains on your jacket bode evil for the remainder of the week. Try a
new dry-cleaner, or maybe change your clothes. Well at least your undies.
Whew! Your belly-button lint is corroding, too.

SCORPIO (Oct. 23 to Nov. 21)
Betty Boop look-alike may have important message. Don't ask, though, since
she also may have a relatively minor one. In either case, it won't matter,
since you're going to be tied up in court for the rest of your life anyway.

SAGITTARIUS (Nov. 22 to Dec. 21)
It turns out that the yodeling contest you judged was rigged, and you'll be
indicted for conspiracy to commit conspiracy. Don't let it throw you:
they'll never make it stick, especially if you take to heart the advice
hidden on page 56 of your latest issue of Teen Beat.

CAPRICORN (Dec. 22 to Jan. 19)
Your comparative analysis of Three Billy Goats Gruff and The Little Engine
That Could is not accepted by the thesis committee. Oh well, back to the
Ouija board. Consider something more appropriate, like a scatological history
of the Druids. Swizzle stick gives you an important address.

AQUARIUS (Jan. 20 to Feb. 18)
Your halitosis is kicking up again, with disastrous results in love,
friendship. SCOPE label may hold a clue to success. Lover or spouse notices
blonde hairs on your razor, and wonders who may have used it last. Be
evasive but charming. It won't get you anywhere, but you can at least gain
time to make up something a little more believable than that garbage you're
trying to feed us right now.

PISCES (Feb. 19 to Mar. 20)
Smell of yeast fades, replaced by scent of tornadoes on the horizon. Stop
baking and take cover. The cake will fall, as will your arches. Better
posture indicated, so stop hunching around all the time. Every clock you
look at today will have the wrong time.


IF TODAY IS YOUR BIRTHDAY: 
A superior notes your new tone of confidence but couldn't care less. Or
maybe it's a confidante who notices your new tone of superiority. It
doesn't matter much one way or the other: the project is still way over
budget and behind schedule. If you get it done before you're asked to leave,
consider yourself lucky. Your spleen operation will not be entirely
successful; a sponge is left inside and x-rays show it is growing. Read
vitamin ads for clues to healthier looking wrinkles and toe-jam.


	   (c)Copyright 1985, Gary Benson. Most rights reserved.
	     Any similarity between persons living or dead is
	      the result of a chronosynclastic infundibulum.

-- 
			       Ensign Benson
			       -Space Cadet-
 
    _-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-The Digital Circus, Sector R-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_