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From: inc@fluke.UUCP (Ensign Benson, Space Cadet)
Newsgroups: net.jokes
Subject: HOROSCOPE: 5/15/85
Message-ID: <608@tpvax.fluke.UUCP>
Date: Mon, 13-May-85 18:37:14 EDT
Article-I.D.: tpvax.608
Posted: Mon May 13 18:37:14 1985
Date-Received: Thu, 16-May-85 08:30:27 EDT
Distribution: net
Organization: The Digital Circus, Sector R
Lines: 87


HOROSCOPE

For Wednesday, May 15, 1985

ARIES (Mar. 21 to Apr. 19)
Aviso' que la cadena iria dando la vuelta al Mundo y aji debe der. Manda las
27 copias a tus amistades y en 24 dia recibras una sorpresa agradable, esta'
comprabado que es cierto. Constantina Arcas recibio 8,000,000 en la loteria.

TAURUS (Apr. 20 to May 20)
Ohayo gozaimasu. Wakarimasu ka? Yoku dekimashita. Ato o tsukete itte
kudasai...chotto matte kudasai. Mainichi Ginz'a ikimasu; kyoo jisho o
kaimasu. Sorosoro shitsurei shimasu.

GEMINI (May 21 to June 20)
VORSICHT! Heben Sie das ende der Batterie bitte wie in der abbildung gezeigt
an, um eine beschaedigung von bauelementen zu vermeiden; ziehen Sie der
Batterie nicht gerade heraus. Um eine verunreinigung oder eine beschaedigung
durch statische ladung zu vermeiden, beruhren Sie den Dreschalter oder die
Leiterplatte bitte nicht. VIELEN DANK'!!

CANCER (June 21 to July 22)
Nous nous sommes ne'anmoins attele' `a la re'alisation de cet ouvrage, et
nous croyons etre arrive' `a un re'sultat positif. Nous avons multiplie' les
indications permettant au lecteur de ne pas he'siter sur la traduction d'un
mot de'termine', lorsque celui-ci a plusieurs acceptions anglaise.

LEO (July 23 to Aug. 22)
Eye condition worsens; everything you read today appears to be written in a
foreign language. Give up mushrooms. The opthmologist you have been visiting
is only out after your money. Your suggestion to the International Olympic
Committee concerning Mixed Doubles Summo Mud-Wrestling finally gets the nod.
Stock up on jello.

VIRGO (Aug. 23 to Sept. 22)
The mini-sub you were building in your basement springs a leak on the
shakedown cruise. Wise up and use caulk instead of oatmeal. Consider getting
rid of the screen door as well.

LIBRA (Sept. 23 to Oct. 22)
Go for the gusto; it doesn't get any better than this. It's time to relax.
Where you're going it's Michelob.

SCORPIO (Oct. 23 to Nov. 21)
Fame and fortune as you discover that the newest character in Bloom County
is YOU! Your political affiliations are exposed to the light of day at last;
you are deluged with letters from like-minded twerps. Soften up on your
program for a final solution to the Ethiopian problem.

SAGITTARIUS (Nov. 22 to Dec. 21)
Your involvement in the plot to hijack the Space Shuttle will be exposed,
resulting in loss of credibility with your coven. Levitation skills
diminish, and your astral consciousness is not what it once was. Dwarves
surround you intermittently.

CAPRICORN (Dec. 22 to Jan. 19)
Noone likes you any more, you simp. Terminal bomb destroys all your files
and causes your tube to implode. You may catch some flak from superiors for
spending all your time reading net.jokes, so now is the time to bring out
your ace in the hole. Blackmail opportunities abound. By the way, are they
still at it?

AQUARIUS (Jan. 20 to Feb. 18)
Someone up there likes you; it's raining pennies from heaven! Catch a few
and you may be able to have lunch after all. 

PISCES (Feb. 19 to Mar. 20)
This is a test of the Emergency Horoscope Notification Network. If this had
been a real horoscope, you would have been advised to turn your terminal off
and reconnect to a local area network. This was only a test.

IF TODAY IS YOUR BIRTHDAY: 
Be extremely careful around cakes with candles on them. DON'T BLOW! The
flames could scorch that new "Stags and Hounds" wallpaper you just hung. You
lose at Musical Chairs, Pin the Tail on the Donkey, but receive high honors
for your showing in the solo division of the 3-legged race.


(c)Copyright 1985, Gary Benson. Quite a few rights reserved.
   Similarities between dead persons and living ones are purely hypothetical.

-- 
			       Ensign Benson
			       -Space Cadet-
 
    _-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-The Digital Circus, Sector R-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_