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From: sunny@sun.uucp (Ms. Sunny Kirsten)
Newsgroups: net.singles
Subject: Re: Too much to ask?
Message-ID: <2179@sun.uucp>
Date: Sat, 11-May-85 23:51:26 EDT
Article-I.D.: sun.2179
Posted: Sat May 11 23:51:26 1985
Date-Received: Tue, 14-May-85 07:02:50 EDT
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Distribution: net
Organization: Sun Microsystems, Inc.
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> I had finally got used to the idea of being single,
> and was prepared to enjoy it, when I met this really nice woman
> It got to the point where I was willing to have the relationship become
> exclusive but she wasn't sure.

A good sign that what did happen was coming.

> I was a little hurt, having misread some things she had said,

Then sharpen up your communications skills, listen more carefully to what
she wants and says.

> Recently we did reach an exclusive arrangement, but then she told me
> me that she doesn't want a relationship with anyone else, but
> she feels a need to establish some other friendships.

It sounds like you may have pressured her into, or she may have, in order
to please you, agreement to relational exclusivity.  One should not confuse
commitment to be prime mate with ownership (e.g. of every evening of her time)

> My questions are 
> 1) Am I just too insecure to realize what she is asking isn't any problem 
> *or* is it too much for one man to be expected to handle with grace
> and aplomb?

If out of insecurity you succeed in dominating her into suppressing her need
of socialization with other people, you will, in the long run, only succeed
in driving her away from you totally, since the choice you give her is to
either give you up or give up everyone else.  Don't force her to make that
choice.  There are no guarantees.  
> 
> 2) What can I do?

Enjoy what time with her you have, and find other friends and aquaintances
yourself

> why I am having such a problem with this?

see your own question #1, it was your FIRST question, and IS the answer.
> 
> think the question of "how much freedom can one relationship tolerate" or some such wording is of interest.
> 
The real question is how much introversion can one relationship tolerate before
the relationhsip has to be restructured or replaced.  If it works well enough
to last enough years, you'll eventually get bored with JUST each other and
need others.  Why not prevent that boredom in the first place?

				Sunny
-- 
{ucbvax,decvax,ihnp4}!sun!sunny (Ms. Sunny Kirsten)