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Path: utzoo!linus!philabs!cmcl2!seismo!hao!woods
From: woods@hao.UUCP (Greg Woods)
Newsgroups: net.singles
Subject: Re: Too much to ask?
Message-ID: <1538@hao.UUCP>
Date: Mon, 13-May-85 14:37:49 EDT
Article-I.D.: hao.1538
Posted: Mon May 13 14:37:49 1985
Date-Received: Thu, 16-May-85 03:39:17 EDT
References: <849@sdcsla.UUCP>
Distribution: net
Organization: High Altitude Obs./NCAR, Boulder CO
Lines: 47

> since she paid that membership fee (as did I), she wants to use it, and
> feels a need to establish some other friendships.  That *does* mean that
> she makes dates with other men, a time I am not to be around.  This is
> really racking me up.  
...
> My questions are 
> 1) Am I just too insecure to realize what she is asking isn't any problem 
> *or* is it too much for one man to be expected to handle with grace
> and aplomb?

> 2) What can I do?  She said that she didn't want to lose me, and would stop
> if that's what it meant, but I don't see that as an option, because then
> she would resent me, as I am now resenting her.

   I think what is required here is for you to *accept* the situation and
stop resisting the way things are. There is no reason why you can't have
the best of both worlds, but it may look a little different than the picture
you have formed in your mind. Be open to the relationship not looking exactly
like your ideal; this is the source of the unpleasant feelings you have.
Human beings have a tendency to compare the world (or a relationship, etc.)
as it is to some ideal they have about how it *should* be. This comparison
is the source of your resentment. Reality doesn't match your ideal, and you
are "blaming" her (the other thing you see a lot in this situation is to blame
yourself, leading to depression and feelings of worthlessness). Just quit 
comparing and enjoy the relationship as it is right now. Try not to move too 
fast, and live in the present instead of the future.
  The second thing to be aware of is that a relationship is a risk. It may or
may not work out like you want. But, one thing you can be sure of: it
*certainly* won't be the way you want if you "run for the hills". Enjoy
the present and exercise a little patience (I know; easier said than done).
React to things as they come up and stop trying to anticipate what is *going*
to happen. And, you have the right idea about one thing: be honest. It won't 
do any good to hide your feelings, because they will come out in the end
anyway. If you *are* incompatible, surely it's better to find that out
sooner than later.

Just some food for thought.

--Greg
-- 
{ucbvax!hplabs | allegra!nbires | decvax!noao | harpo!seismo | ihnp4!noao}
       		        !hao!woods

CSNET: woods@NCAR  ARPA: woods%ncar@CSNET-RELAY
   
     "...I may not be right but I've never been wrong
      It seldom turns out the way it does in the song..."