Relay-Version: version B 2.10 5/3/83; site utzoo.UUCP Posting-Version: version B 2.10.1 6/24/83; site ttidcc.UUCP Path: utzoo!linus!philabs!ttidca!ttidcc!hollombe From: hollombe@ttidcc.UUCP (The Polymath) Newsgroups: net.singles Subject: Re: Too much to ask? Message-ID: <414@ttidcc.UUCP> Date: Tue, 14-May-85 14:21:05 EDT Article-I.D.: ttidcc.414 Posted: Tue May 14 14:21:05 1985 Date-Received: Thu, 16-May-85 04:57:29 EDT References: <849@sdcsla.UUCP> Reply-To: hollombe@ttidcc.UUCP (The Polymath) Distribution: net Organization: The Cat Factory Lines: 44 Summary: In article <849@sdcsla.UUCP> clark@sdcsla.UUCP (Clark Quinn) writes: >My questions are >1) Am I just too insecure to realize what she is asking isn't any problem >*or* is it too much for one man to be expected to handle with grace >and aplomb? > >2) What can I do? I can't tell you what to do with your life, but I can tell you how I've dealt with similar situations. I've been badly hurt several times in situations like yours. In retrospect, I realize I brought much of the grief upon myself by having unrealistic expectations of others and being unwilling to let them be themselves. Of course, they went on being themselves anyway, despite what I wanted. More recently, I've been on the other side of the situation. I've had a number of relationships fail because too many demands were placed on me. I start to feel very closed in and trapped when someone starts making demands on my time more than once a week or so (claustrophobia comes to mind -- there's probably a more specific clinical term). I flat out _won't_ put up with someone who expects exclusive rights to me and doesn't want me to be with others and/or make new friends. Currently, I seem to have struck a happy compromise (at last!). The woman I see most often needs as much space in her life as I do. We've agreed that too much of a good thing makes us crazy and keep our dating down to about 10 day intervals (we need _a lot_ of space). Both of us have plenty to keep us busy in between and we both date other people from time to time. This is at least partly because we have disparate interests (she's not interested in naturism, I'm not interested in opera, for example) so we find others to share these things with. To sum up, I'd say my most successful relationships, including friendships, have been those in which we didn't get in each others' way and respected each others' lifestyles and relationships with others. Demanding or expecting exclusive rights seems to be self-defeating in the long run. -- -_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_- The Polymath (aka: Jerry Hollombe) Citicorp TTI 3100 Ocean Park Blvd. Santa Monica, CA 90405 (213) 450-9111, ext. 2483 {philabs,randvax,trwrb,vortex}!ttidca!ttidcc!hollombe