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From: rance@cornell.UUCP (W. Rance Cleaveland)
Newsgroups: net.singles
Subject: Re: Too much to ask?
Message-ID: <1686@cornell.UUCP>
Date: Mon, 13-May-85 12:41:19 EDT
Article-I.D.: cornell.1686
Posted: Mon May 13 12:41:19 1985
Date-Received: Thu, 16-May-85 20:45:12 EDT
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Organization: Cornell Univ. CS Dept.
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> My questions are 
> 1) Am I just too insecure to realize what she is asking isn't any problem 
> *or* is it too much for one man to be expected to handle with grace
> and aplomb?

Geez, what a mess.  Having gone through a similar experience recently, I can
certainly empathize with your turmoil.  Personally, I think that just
about anyone in your shoes would be hard-pressed to handle your situation with
grace and aplomb.  That aside, however, the fact of the matter is that for
whatever reason, her attitude makes you feel bad.  While 
maybe you wish you didn't feel this way, you do, and I don't think you should
feel apologetic or guilty for it.  I've noticed that with regard to emotions
I'm rarely as cool as I would like to be, and I suspect that I have some
company.  The trick, I guess, is to recognize your feelings and not try to
hide them or wish them away....
  
> 2) What can I do?  She said that she didn't want to lose me, and would stop
> if that's what it meant, but I don't see that as an option, because then
> she would resent me, as I am now resenting her.  I could try to tone down
> my feelings in the matter, and go out with other women, but I don't really
> believe in toning down feelings artificially, nor am I convinced I can live
> with seeing her and trying to suppress feelings.   I can just drop the
> whole thing and run like a dog for the hills, which is clearly the easiest
> thing to do and would hurt least in the long run.  Or I can try to find out
> why I am having such a problem with this and let it continue as it is.
> Clearly, I haven't decided what I intend to do.  I *am* going to tell her what 
As you mention later on, I think your best bet is to tell her that her going outwith others really bothers you (in fact, it may be that she's trying to get you
to say this).  At the same time, (and this is repetitive, I know, but it bears
repeating), you shouldn't feel guilty for bringing it up.  WHY (or perhaps, if)
you're having a "problem" with this, while an interesting question, isn't that
important right now; what is important is that you talk to her candidly and
tell her how you feel.  Communication (as you point out) is the key....

Good luck.

Rance Cleaveland