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Path: utzoo!watmath!clyde!burl!ulysses!mhuxr!ihnp4!ihlpg!sed408
From: sed408@ihlpg.UUCP (s. dugan)
Newsgroups: net.singles
Subject: Re: second tries
Message-ID: <484@ihlpg.UUCP>
Date: Thu, 16-May-85 10:02:30 EDT
Article-I.D.: ihlpg.484
Posted: Thu May 16 10:02:30 1985
Date-Received: Fri, 17-May-85 01:15:46 EDT
References: <2847@sdcc3.UUCP>
Organization: AT&T Bell Laboratories
Lines: 55

> Does anybody out there have any experience or ideas on restarting a
> relationship once it has been broken up?
> 
> The scenario is this: My current XSO and possible SO2B is seriously
> considering the possibilities of getting back together with me. She
> "left" me about 8 months ago (we have remained the best of friends),
> because she had no previous experience with dating guys, and felt kind
> of restricted in our relationship (not that I opposed her going out with
> other people, but that being in a relationship with me made it difficult
> to establish one with others.) She is eager to restart it, and so am I.
> I think.
> What I am worried about is how to deal with the resentment of what
> happened between us, and my pain from the breakup. I have forgiven her,
> but I also am afraid that little pangs of jealousy might start cropping
> up in my feelings towards her. I serioulsy have no idea of what will
> really happen, and I have never really seen this happen effectivly
> before. (I've only seen it attempted once, and the situation was quite a
> bit different.) So tell me: Is it possible to love someone again the
> same way you used to? I think I'm going to find out the hard way, but
> I'd also like to know what I'm going to be up against.
> 
> Any comments, either constructive or destructive, are appreciated.
> -- 
> ihnp4--\                                        fritzz the Zebra
> decvax--\	
> akgua----\	At both ends of the social spectrum
> dcdwest---\	lies a leisure class.
> bumvax-----\	
> ucbvax-------- sdcsvax -- sdcc3 -- fritzz

Good luck!  I think you'll have a lot of problems if you don't talk up-front
with her about those feeling of resentment.  If you don't deal with those now
and get rid of them, they'll fester and raise their ugly heads some time later
down the road.  My best advise is to take things slowly, be honest and open
about YOUR feelings and open to hearing about hers.  Remember, her feelings
should count for something, too.  Relationships should be a compromise, not a
dictatorship!

I attempted this kind of situation once.  It didn't work out because it wasn't
a very healthy relationship in the first place.  The first time we were
together, I was young, inexperienced (my first love) and I clung to him
terribly.  I totally sufficated him to the point that he ran a thousand miles
in the opposite direction.  Three years later, he came back into my life.
This time the tables were turned.  I had achieved some kind of independence.
I was in college and loving the freedom.  He was in the Navy (where he had run
to escape from me).  He was terribly lonely.  He wanted to get married in the
worst way!  I was willing to marry him AFTER I finished college.  He wasn't
willing to wait.  Needless to way, things didn't work out.  He went his way
and I went mine.  I don't think he ever understood that I could love him and
at the same time NOT want to marry him right away.  I really wish I could have
made him understand that.  Part of me still misses him ten years later.  (like
I said, he was my first love)

																				Sarah E. Dugan
                                        (no clever lines)