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Path: utzoo!watmath!clyde!burl!ulysses!mhuxr!ihnp4!mgnetp!we53!busch!tfp
From: tfp@busch.UUCP (tom thumbs)
Newsgroups: net.flame
Subject: Women, toilet paper, and splashing
Message-ID: <399@busch.UUCP>
Date: Sat, 25-May-85 19:37:47 EDT
Article-I.D.: busch.399
Posted: Sat May 25 19:37:47 1985
Date-Received: Sun, 26-May-85 06:40:12 EDT
Organization: Home of the King of Beers
Lines: 62


>In article <2484@randvax.UUCP> edhall@randvax.UUCP (Ed Hall) writes:
>>
>>The last time I heard this discussed it ended up with a counter-
>>accusation: how can men avoid wetting themselves, considering how
>>poorly they aim?  If you've ever cleaned a bathroom you'll know
>>what I mean.  Yeeeccchhh...
>
>I don't think it's always bad aim, as I am usually careful about my
>aim and my bathroom still needs a fair amount of cleaning. I think it
>may be due to a higher splash factor arising from a greater difference
>in level.
>				 Phil Ngai

     First step toward better aim:    Practice on the cat. Or at least
your neighbor's shrubbery.

     Second  method: use the wonders of modern technology!
						
-----------------+                              DIAGRAM A:
       a)        |***********
-----------------+          **     /            NO - NO !!
			\ \  **  /  /
			   \  ** /
			      
--------------------------------------------------------------
                        b) large magnet				
-----------------+   ||    #VVVVVVVVVV#         DIAGRAM B:
      a)         |**************************
-----------------+   ||   			This is the correct way.
                     ##	   #^^^^^^^^^^#
	 d)         #### c) large magnet
	 electron gun###		     

--------------------------------------------------------------
    Electron gun (d) ionizes the stream which is guided by large
magnets (b, c) into the proper receptacle. Scientists have succeeded
in measuring the distance across the Atlantic Ocean to within 1/1000
pm (pissometer) using this method. Today's brave new generation of
scientists are reaching for the moon, and, someday, even the stars.
    So, if you feel little droplets fall upon you on a clear starry
night, you will know that progress marches onward!

    Ah, you say, but what about the Splashing Problem? This is a matter
still hotly debated by learned men of science today. (The learned women
of science are debating over who uses the most toilet paper -- see other
flames for details.)   Van Tinkle's synchronization primitives provide
one solution to this dilemma, but are frequently ridiculed by large
hairy patrons of sleazy bars.

References:
    Daley, I.P., 1983. "Synchronization, Splashing, and Thrashing: Formal
	 Language Perspectives," Robert Hall Press. Holmdel, New Jersey.
    Kernighan, B.W., Ritchie, D.M. 1978. "The C Programming Language."
	Prentice-Hall: Englewood Cliffs, New Jersey.
    Smallberries, John. 1985. "I gotta go." Fred's Bar and Fish Mart.
	Take the first exit and make a hard right.

    take off, hosehead,
	...tp...  (tom patterson, eh?)

char *tom() { return "...ihnp4!we53!busch!tfp" ; }