Relay-Version: version B 2.10 5/3/83; site utzoo.UUCP Posting-Version: version B 2.10.2 9/18/84; site greipa.UUCP Path: utzoo!watmath!clyde!burl!ulysses!mhuxr!mhuxt!houxm!ihnp4!pesnta!twg!greipa!jordan From: jordan@greipa.UUCP (Jordan K. Hubbard) Newsgroups: net.flame Subject: Support your local police (long satire) Message-ID: <203@greipa.UUCP> Date: Mon, 20-May-85 21:11:53 EDT Article-I.D.: greipa.203 Posted: Mon May 20 21:11:53 1985 Date-Received: Fri, 24-May-85 02:17:51 EDT Reply-To: jordan@greipa.UUCP (Jordan K. Hubbard) Organization: Genstar Rental Electronics, Palo Alto, Ca. Lines: 120 This program posts news to many machines throughout the world Are you absolutely positively without-question cross-your-heart-and-hope-to-die sure that you want to do this? [ny] "Uh.. Well, not really. No! Not me!" Ok.. "Arrrgghhh!!" Well, I think it's time we commend our little buddies-in-blue for another swell bang-up job! (The policeman is your friend Johnny! Now say hello to the nice man! Johnny? Johnny! Stop that!) Now, some might think their little recent actions against those awful noisy MOVE people were a little extreme.. Well, now I say that those boys were just venting a little honest hostility.. I mean, look at it this way, you're a swat cop. You're bored. You've been sitting around the squad room for months reading "Soldier of Fortune" and "SWAT methods and tactics". You've re-read that article about kilgore stun grenades at least five times and your .357 python is so clean you can shave in its reflection. Not to mention that it's hot, your flak jackets haven't been dry cleaned in two weeks and everyone smells tacky. What do you do? Well, when your sergeant comes in and says "Boys, we got us a whole smelly dirty hive of wretched refuse that refuse to move", you say "It's party time!!". So you grab 2 cases of ammo, just to be safe, as many tear gas grenades as you can carry ("Damn! Why didn't we order any of those kilgore's?") and that AR-15 you've been just ITCHING to shoot and HEAD ON OUT, PARDNER! You arrive at the site, your pulse is racing. You smell raunchier than ever but you don't care. 60 fellow police are clustered behind cars emptying anything they can think of in the general direction of the house. What fun!! A police officer on your right swears that he just saw "The meanest looking little 7 year old you ever saw in your life" shooting an M-16 through an upstairs window. This is it. The challenge and excitement you've read all about. You grab the AR-15 and empty a 30 round clip exuberantly at the house. God that felt good! Over the next 6 hours you and your buddies have the time of your lives, shooting over 2,000 rounds of ammunition at the house. It was never like this at the range.. However, even the best of things grow dull, and soon the site of one extra bullet hole appearing in the plaster or a stream of tear gas erupting from a window just doesn't seem as satisfying. Hmmm. You think to yourself. There's probably more people alive in there. What would 'Mack Bolan' do? (For those of you who don't know who Mack Bolan is, forget it..). A LAWS rocket? A TOW? Your face lights up.. Naw, we don't have any of those.. But something explosive.. Yeah.. That would be a real kick in the pants! You rack your brain. Suddenly the site of a hovering police chopper gives you an idea.. An air strike!! The idea is so beautiful you want to cry.. Of course! We've got some demo lying around the station.. A small tactical nuke would be better, but.. You suppress a grin, no, this will do. You run to your commanding officer, your enthusiasm planly visible as he turns around to face you. "Yes son? Can I help you? We got a firefight going on here!". Yes sir! I know sir! I have an idea! "Yes?" A bomb sir! From the helicopter! A BIG BOMB!! (your enthusiasm brims over a bit here and you quickly hold yourself in check) "Hmmm. You may have something here son.. (strokes hs chin). Let me call division." Yes SIR! A short time later a green cammie truck pulls up and a tall ramrod-stiff man gets out. His mirror sunglasses sweep the scene. Nodding to himself, he pulls a large package from the front seat and marches up to your commanding officer. You can barely contain your excitement. They talk briefly, the tall man nodding once then walking briskly to the helicopter which has just landed. You look after him in awe. What a guy! The helicopter lifts off and circles once over the house before coming into a hover high above it. The package arcs out of a doorway and plumments towards the rooftop 'bunker'. A loud explosion tears through the roof of the house followed by a secondary fireball that rockets into the sky. Within seconds the house is consumed in roaring flames that quickly engulf the surrounding buildings. You let out your breath with a loud hiss, realizing that you've been holding it. Wow! That was better than you'd ever imagined! As you stand watching the fire with the wail of fire engines growing in the distance, a hand claps you on the shoulder and you turn to see your C.O. staring proudly at the flames. "Good job son", he says quietly. "We need more original thinkers like you.". "Why thank you sir, just doing my job.", you murmur deferentially. He leaves and walks away to attend to other matters as you continue to stare at the spreading fire. Yes. You think, this has been one heck of a day.. You think of some of the neighborhood bullies in your childhood and smile.. If they could only see you now. They certainly wouldn't call YOU 'sissy'.. You sling your AR-15 over your shoulder and walk back to the truck. Yeah, days like this made it all worth while. -------------------------------------------------------------------- This has been purely satirical in nature and isn't intended to be an actual factual account of the proceedings (I need to tell you that? :-) ). For all I know, MOVE might really have been an evil nasty noisy flatulent smelly gang of thugs, but it's fun to snip at the police! We shall see. -- Jordan K. Hubbard @ Genstar Rental Electronics. Palo Alto, CA. {sun, decwrl, dual}!twg!greipa!jordan "Ack ack!". - William the feline