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From: jrrt@mtuxo.UUCP (r.mitchell)
Newsgroups: net.singles
Subject: Re: Self-acceptance
Message-ID: <722@mtuxo.UUCP>
Date: Fri, 24-May-85 18:16:00 EDT
Article-I.D.: mtuxo.722
Posted: Fri May 24 18:16:00 1985
Date-Received: Sat, 25-May-85 08:18:11 EDT
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	>Just the suggestion "Like yourself" won't do it for you, I'm sure:
	>you need a *reason* to gain your own approval.  That makes things 
	>much more difficult.			Jeff Brown the Scumbag
>I detect a very basic level of non-acceptance of your self.  We are 
>not born as lumps of mud that we have to mold into something acceptable.

I respectfully disagree, Moira.  I get the impression that Jeff's "scumbag"
title was at least half in jest, so one can't make a fair assesment
of his self-esteem.  

I agree with his point, though.  I set standards of behavior for
people.  These standards are broad and libertarian in scope -- Life,
Liberty, and Courtesy.  If people fail to act according to those 
standards, then they will not have a large measure of my respect.
(Big deal, eh?  Most folks don't care about my respect.  Fine, but
*I* care.)

To avoid being a hypocrite, I must set at least as stringent a standard
for myself, as I set for everyone else.  I have done so.  As soon as
I did, though, I had to "keep score" on my behavior to monitor my
performance.  Being human, I've made errors, occasionally big ones, and
at such times I dislike myself intensely.

I also *care* about myself very much.  It's no extreme statement to
say I don't care for anyone more than I care for myself (there are
six people whom I care *as much* about, but not more).  Because I
care so much about me, I care what I think about myself.  If I see myself
as a horrid piece of trash not worth the air I'm breathing, then by damn
I'm going to do something to improve myself.

>We are born as lovable, capable individuals who have not always been
>supported for being that way.  As long as you think you "need a *reason*
>to gain your own approval"  you will remain unsatisfied because you 
>will never perceive that you are quite good enough.

Well, you're right, I'm never going to be good enough to satisfy myself
perfectly.  So I don't have a 4.0 average.  I do think I've a 3.8, though,
so I'm satisfied that I have a lot of worth, and that I'm getting
better all the time.  

Bottom Line:  I do need to gain my own approval, because I value my
respect too highly to give it away for free, even to myself.  My respect
and love must be earned.  I'm just very willing to give myself another
chance when I screw up.

Rob Mitchell  {allegra,ihnp4}!mtuxo!jrrt

Es un entreverado loco, lleno de lucidos intervalos.
(He is a muddled fool, full of lucid intervals.  *Don Quixote*)