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From: fsks@unc.UUCP (Frank Silbermann)
Newsgroups: net.singles
Subject: Re: dancing, but not really
Message-ID: <296@unc.UUCP>
Date: Sun, 26-May-85 13:59:08 EDT
Article-I.D.: unc.296
Posted: Sun May 26 13:59:08 1985
Date-Received: Thu, 30-May-85 00:16:01 EDT
References: <ut-sally.1988>
Reply-To: fsks@unc.UUCP (Frank Silbermann)
Distribution: net
Organization: CS Dept., U. of N. Carolina at Chapel Hill
Lines: 41
Summary: 

In article <ut-sally.1988> pooh@ut-sally.UUCP (Pooh) writes:
>
>The phenomenon is called the "Cha-Cha Syndrome."
>
>Basically, the dance goes like this:  Sue and
>James are sitting reading in the living room.
>Sue looks at James and thinks to herself how much
>she loves him and how neat he is.  She gets up,
>goes over to him and kisses him.  He looks up
>briefly, smiles, and goes back to reading.
>She says, "Instead of going to a movie tonight,
>why don't we just stay home and be alone?"
>James replies, "Well, I'd really like to see a movie."
>
>Now, to Sue, James has rejected her in two small ways:
>by going back to reading, and by rejecting her idea of
>spending time alone together.  Feeling a little hurt,
>Sue backs off and goes back to her chair.
>
>James immediately senses the atmosphere growing a little chillier,
>but doesn't know why.  After a time, he crosses to her
>and puts his arm around her.  He asks, "Do you want me to
>start dinner now?"  Sue looks up from her reading, but not
>at him, and says, "No, I'm not really hungry right now."
>
>Now James sense two small rejections--in her failure to
>make eye contact, and in her rejection of his offer of dinner.
>James then backs off and withdraws.
>
>If one of them opens up and reveals his or her hurt feelings,
>the Cha-Cha ends.  If not, each person reaches out and then
>steps back alternately, in an endless cycle.  This can
>go on and escalate until both are really angry without knowing
>why.

Most of the human-relations books (such as the one you are quoting)
assume the reader is a liberal, college-educated yuppie type.

What are the more inarticulate people expected to do in these circumstances?

	Frank Silbermann