Relay-Version: version B 2.10 5/3/83; site utzoo.UUCP
Posting-Version: $Revision: 1.6.2.16 $; site ISM780.UUCP
Path: utzoo!linus!philabs!cmcl2!seismo!harvard!think!ISM780!joan
From: joan@ISM780.UUCP
Newsgroups: net.singles
Subject: Re: Re: What people look for in MOTAS (c
Message-ID: <33100015@ISM780.UUCP>
Date: Wed, 29-May-85 19:43:00 EDT
Article-I.D.: ISM780.33100015
Posted: Wed May 29 19:43:00 1985
Date-Received: Sat, 1-Jun-85 13:58:43 EDT
References: <1560054@acf4.UUCP>
Lines: 74
Nf-ID: #R:acf4:-156005400:ISM780:33100015:000:3333
Nf-From: ISM780!joan    May 29 19:43:00 1985


 >> = me
 >  = Frank Silberman

>>    You don't *really* think that all women are looking for those
>>  things, do you?  That would be a pretty insulting
>>  generalization to make about the female population.

>       Doesn't have to be ALL women.  Just enough so that a man
> NOT having these attributes will have reduced chances to attract
> the women of HIS choice.

     OK, you're right.  If a man is looking for the kind of woman
  who values those things, it does become important.  I think
  that wanting those thing is a bit shallow, but that's only my
  opinion.  It's personal choice.  Good luck.

>>     Some women get off on internals from the start and don't
>>  need to be attracted by externals.  Admittedly, this doesn't
>>  work well if you're trying to start a life-long relationship by
>>  finding a nice stranger in a crowded bar (I *still* don't
>>  understand how that works),

>       Nor do internals help you much among strangers at a party,
> or on vacation, or at a church social, or in class, etc.

     What do you mean they don't?  "Strangers" don't stay strange
  once you've talked to them for a while.  At school and work and
  church and social events I inevitably find myself making
  conversation with lots of different people.  Some of them I
  start to like, some of them I don't.  Some of them start to
  like me, some of them don't.

>       Yes, but how many friends does the average person have?
> Relying on old friendships to grow into romantic attachments
> reduces the selection pool too much.  And risks destroying
> good friendships.
>       What should I do if none of my old friends is suitable
> to become a lover? Get new friends?  What if I'm already satified
> with the platonic friends I have now?

     I may have been unclear, but I wasn't saying that one's
  sweetheart had to be someone you grew up with or anything (I
  don't think I ever said "*old* friend").  A person may even go
  out with the intention of looking for a sweetheart, but instead
  of making an initial choice based on looks, s/he might just get
  to know lots of people (indiscriminately?) and then make a
  choice after s/he has gathered a bit more information about
  what makes the person tick.  Side effect: you wind up with a
  lot of friends.

> Compare your physical attraction for these two groups:
>
>       A)  Those who have what it takes ONLY on the inside.
>       B)  Those who have what it takes on BOTH inside AND outside.

     I've never thought of these as two groups, but I've thought
  about this and I don't think that my feelings are stronger or
  weaker for either group.  (I didn't actually make a
  point-by-point evaluation of all the men I know, but I did sit
  for a few minutes and think about your question).

>>  I enjoy good looks and status as much as anybody,
>>  but if they're not there I don't miss them one bit.
    ^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^
>>  And they're certainly not the things that I look for first.
>>  And if that's ALL that's there, I don't give 'em a second thought.

> That sounds like a good rule for choosing friends.
> But when you say that you don't mind physical ugliness,
> low social status, and poor economic prospects in the man (men?)
> you sleep with, I don't believe you.

  (Maybe I'm a rarity among women :-) ).