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From: rob@ptsfa.UUCP (Rob Bernardo)
Newsgroups: net.singles,net.social
Subject: Re: What people look for in MOTAS
Message-ID: <667@ptsfa.UUCP>
Date: Tue, 28-May-85 22:37:53 EDT
Article-I.D.: ptsfa.667
Posted: Tue May 28 22:37:53 1985
Date-Received: Mon, 3-Jun-85 06:09:29 EDT
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Reply-To: rob@ptsfa.UUCP (Rob Bernardo)
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Summary: Self-assuredness not completely a polar quality

In the discussion about self-attitude in attractiveness, several netters
have mentioned not to confuse self-centeredness, conceit, etc. with
self-assuredness, self-esteem, etc. Some netters have treated traits of
of SELF-ATTITTUDE as if the  bad ones (e.g. conceit) were just extreme
cases of the good ones (e.g. self-assuredness). After thinking aobut
it awhile, I think there is a QUALITATIVE distinction. What follows
is probably a third bullshit and a third confusion,
but I maybe on the right track ...

At first there appears to be a merely QUANTITATIVE distinction, depending
upon the degree that one mentally attends to oneself. One extreme
is the person who UNDERattends to her or himself, and appears
overly humble, self-effacing, etc. The other extreme is the person who
OVERattends to him or herself, and is inconsiderate, condescending,
insensitive, unawares of others, etc. And in the middle is the balanced
person who attend to him or herself and to others in a well-proportioned
way. This is the approach I think many recent articles on this topic have
adopted.

I suspect that there are QUALITATIVELY different attitudes between
that last extreme and other positions on the scale.
In fact, I can think of two distinct sort of attitudes that could
lead someone to be in the OVERLY-SELF-ATTENTIVE extreme:

	1. One is an attitude that quite consciously devalues many or all
	other people. This often leads to inconsideration and
	rudeness by COMMISSION.

	2. The other is a preoccupation with oneself. This preoccupation
	drives out the ability to be sensitive to others and to be aware
	of how one is coming across. This often leads to inconsideration by
	OMISSION.

It is ironic that sometimes the latter trait, preoccupation with oneself,
can accompany LOW self-esteem; I see in myself often that preoccupation
with myself sometimes results in low self-esteem, and other times in
inflated self-esteem.
-- 


Rob Bernardo, San Francisco, California
{nsc,ucbvax,decwrl,amd,fortune,zehntel}!dual!ptsfa!rob

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