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From: beth@sphinx.UChicago.UUCP (Beth Christy)
Newsgroups: net.women
Subject: Why not walk them home?
Message-ID: <592@sphinx.UChicago.UUCP>
Date: Tue, 28-May-85 20:48:36 EDT
Article-I.D.: sphinx.592
Posted: Tue May 28 20:48:36 1985
Date-Received: Fri, 31-May-85 01:09:24 EDT
References: <1566@reed.UUCP>
Organization: U. Chicago - Computation Center
Lines: 52

From: ellen@reed.UUCP (Ellen Eades), Message-ID: <1566@reed.UUCP>:
>Here is where I find a real problem.  I would probably refuse
>an escort of any male, because I do not feel safe with most men.
>I would prefer to walk alone or with a female.  Thus, I have
>never asked for escort.  Also:  There's a lot more that you can
>do to help women than escort them home.  You are perpetuating
>the idea that women can't protect themselves without men.  This
>damages women's strength, in itself.
>[...]
>The
>idea I want to emphasize is that men should not protect women;
>they should let them learn to protect themselves.
>[...]
>Again, I want to emphasize that your idea that men protect women
>from sexual harassment is a harmful one, although it is
>well-meaning.

Ooooo.  Gosh.  I'll agree with most of Ellen's other suggestions (e.g.
teaching women to protect themselves, calling to make sure they arrived
safely, and *especially* pointing out to other men when they've slipped
up), but I'm going to speak up about this one.  I think every sincerely
concered man (and *only* sincerely concerned men!) should offer to
escort a woman to wherever she's heading.  There are women who will be
offended by this, and I'm sorry fellows, but I can't give you any tips
on how to tell which women will be offended - you'll just have to take
your chances.  But the simple fact is that a woman's chances of being
raped are significantly reduced if she's accompanied by a *sincerely
concerned* man.  And I think that if the offer is made with genuine
concern, most women will appreciate your sensitivity to that fact.

Which is not to say that most women will accept your offer.  As I
tried to point out in an earlier, somewhat graphic posting, rape is a
*terrible*, *terrifying* thing, and *most rapes* are committed by men
the victims had trusted.  So most women are rightly hesitant to trust a
man who suggests that he escort her alone into what, by definition, is a
dangerous situation (the first few lines I quoted above are an example.)
I'm sorry again, fellows (truly).  But the loss of trust is one of the
ways that *you* pay for the epidemic of rape, and it's *one* of the
reasons why you should be out there busting your butts to end it.  But
if you can accept her refusal with understanding and grace, it will help
to build up the trust you (hopefully) deserve, and maybe later on down
the road she'll be able to trust you enough to let you help out.  And
helping each other out and caring for each other is what it's all about.
So I say keep right on caring and trying to help.  I'm sorry that in so
doing you may offend someone or get hurt yourself.  But please don't let
that stop you (for long, anyway).  It's a good goal, and it's one we all
should aim for ever chance we get.

-- 

--JB                                          Life is just a bowl.