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From: tip@dumbvax.UUCP (tom thumbs)
Newsgroups: net.flame
Subject: my buddy, Scott Turner (rot0)
Message-ID: <413@dumbvax.UUCP>
Date: Thu, 20-Jun-85 00:46:11 EDT
Article-I.D.: dumbvax.413
Posted: Thu Jun 20 00:46:11 1985
Date-Received: Fri, 21-Jun-85 00:37:22 EDT
Organization: we have no organization
Lines: 40


    There have some vile and damaging rumors passed on this Net about
Scott Turner, and I would like to clear some of them up. Scott is a
sweet, angelic sort of man -- he is often seen in the park fixing the
sprained wings of poor injured sparrows. When he is not protecting the
lives of countless cockroaches at UCLA, he jets over to India, where
he is known as "Mother Theresa" -- a very tricky disguise, but I wasn't
fooled for a minute.

    But Scott has a little problem...
    Scott was once a valued and dearly loved citizen of St. Louis. But
one day, he was at the airport, helping little old ladies with their
luggage, when he saw a "provocatively dressed" woman, and had an erection
and thump! knocked down a 747 on its landing approach... well, needless
to say, it was not good to have somebody swatting passenger jets out of
the skies above Lambert Field -- FAA regulations  specifically prohibit
men from downing planes with their penises, though it is OK for women.
    When the MacArthur Street Bridge was closed, city officials believed that
they had finally found a use for Scott's bizarre new talent, but there was
no way to install guard rails on him, and numerous cars full of wide-eyed
admiring females and envious males slid off Scott into the Mississippi...
    Ashamed and embarrassed, Scott fled St. Louis. For a while he hid out
in the Sequoia National Forest, but he didn't like the squirrels nibbling
his nuts, so he eventually ended up at UCLA, where the nation's leading
penis experts are now working to solve his problem. (Contrary to rumor,
he has not accepted the lead role for the movie "Moby Dick".)
    So, be kind to him. Those hormone treatments have really been 
affecting his mind and body quite strangely.  (and it didn't help matters when
ucla-cs!alex dumped snow on his new tits and made a ski resort of them)

[ Note to Jeanette: To save you the trouble, I have already sent
 you my "trophy", wrapped in miles and miles of toilet paper. Since I
 sent it by US mail, it should show up any year now. ]

--------
    "She was practiced at the art of deception
     I could tell by /  Her bloodstained hands
     You can't always get what you want..."

    ...tp... (tom)     [ ...ihnp4!we53!busch!tfp ]