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From: inc@fluke.UUCP (Ensign Benson, Time Cadet)
Newsgroups: net.jokes
Subject: HOROSCOPE: 6/7/85
Message-ID: <619@tpvax.fluke.UUCP>
Date: Wed, 5-Jun-85 19:23:15 EDT
Article-I.D.: tpvax.619
Posted: Wed Jun  5 19:23:15 1985
Date-Received: Sun, 9-Jun-85 04:07:27 EDT
Distribution: net
Organization: The Digital Circus, Sector R
Lines: 86


HOROSCOPE

For Friday, June 7, 1985

ARIES (Mar. 21 to Apr. 19)
Filing cabinet attacks you in mid-morning, chairs at noon. Your desk gets
petulant in the afternoon, accuses you of cluttering its surface. Phone
stops talking to you, stapler goes on strike. Time to get a new office, mate.

TAURUS (Apr. 20 to May 20)
Bad day to have sex with midgets, dwarves. Don't let an Indian cut your hair
this week. Stop wearing wool underwear to help that awful crotch rot you've
developed. Boil gets serious, proposes.

GEMINI (May 21 to June 20)
You are a stranger in a strange land, and you're getting stranger all the
time. Get smart: people are starting to notice your wise-ass ways.
One good turn gets the whole blanket. Don't eat Tiddly-Winks.

CANCER (June 21 to July 22)
Your first inclination is always to go for the throat. Why not lighten up a
little and go for the gusto? Your subrscription to True Grit magazine
expires this month. You receive a surprise letter bomb by Express Mail.

LEO (July 23 to Aug. 22)
Your tailor decides that canvas is the best material to have that new suit
made of. He knows where you can get a decent second-hand circus tent, and
it's in your color, too! Stop feeding Alpo to your grandmother.

VIRGO (Aug. 23 to Sept. 22)
Your brain congeals into a mass of rice pudding later this afternoon. Be
prepared: pick up plastic spoons before the dinner party tonight. Scorpio
may seek answers.

LIBRA (Sept. 23 to Oct. 22)
That odd odor from your feet may be returning. Shower later this month may
clear it up, but remember to remove your socks. Goo on your sheets may
indicate a relapse of cottage-cheese drippings. Scorpio may have answers.

SCORPIO (Oct. 23 to Nov. 21)
Libra person thinks you have answers. Offer your recipe for chicken ala'
cottage cheese. Virgo person has rice pudding/cottage cheese substitution
ratio. The Tiresome Threesome strikes again!

SAGITTARIUS (Nov. 22 to Dec. 21)
BANG on the drum, pardner, BANG on it good! Eviction notice is in the mail;
to assure return of security deposit, remove alligator and other pets at
night, clean embalming fluid out of bathtub. Your landlord is PISSED!

CAPRICORN (Dec. 22 to Jan. 19)
Your computer terminal just died; indication is that it is currently filled
with meaningless gibberish. ROT-13 may help, but don't save anything to
files all day; disk drive rotation may undo all your efforts. Good day to
stock up on pixels, data types. Write a trivial program.

AQUARIUS (Jan. 20 to Feb. 18)
When the moon is in the seventh house, and Jupiter aligns with Mars, then
peace with guide the planets, and love will steer the stars. This is the
dawning of the age of Aquarius, the age of Aquarius, the age of Aquarius,
Aquarius, Aquaaaa-rius.

PISCES (Feb. 19 to Mar. 20)
Eat no slime before its time. Fish for lunch, crabs later this evening. The
fourth person you talk to today will be up to no good. Waste not, want not
and other platitudes. Suck a lemon, your new car for instance.

IF TODAY IS YOUR BIRTHDAY: 
Males can expect a visit later this week from Dolly Parton, Jane Pauley and
Susan Stanberg. Females will meet Tom Selleck and myself. Now I happen to
know that Tom's gonna be tied up this weekend, but, hey! I'm usually free!
You like to bowl? Excellent time for starting that contraceptive program at
night school. Wanna see my vasectomy scar?

				    -*-

(c)Copyright 1985, Gary Benson. Some rights reserved. This document may not
   be duplicated or stored in any medium including human memory cells.

				    -*-

-- 
			       Ensign Benson
			        -Time Cadet-
 
    _-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-The Digital Circus, Sector R-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_