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From: teitz@aecom.UUCP (Eliyahu Teitz)
Newsgroups: net.religion.jewish
Subject: Re: Re: Jewish Singles
Message-ID: <1558@aecom.UUCP>
Date: Thu, 9-May-85 10:24:57 EDT
Article-I.D.: aecom.1558
Posted: Thu May  9 10:24:57 1985
Date-Received: Mon, 10-Jun-85 03:36:49 EDT
References: <1025@vax135.UUCP> <3780044@csd2.UUCP> <318@mhuxi.UUCP> <562@sfmag.UUCP>
Organization: Albert Einstein Coll. of Med., NY
Lines: 46

> > What is the best way for non to semi-frum Jewish Singles to meet?
> > ( I am using frum as an alias for "fanatic")
> 
> 2) Matchmaking is not a joke, it's a tradition dating back to the
> bible.  Moreover,  professional  matchmaking  is  a  fast growing
> business today which caters to many non-Jewish singles who,  like
> you, are fed up with the singles bars/disco scene. Selecting on a
> mate for life may be the  most  important  decision  you'll  ever
> make.   A   responsible   matchmaker   (whether  a  friend  or  a
> professional) can be an invaluable asset  in  finding  you  dates
> which  are  compatible. It may seem unromantic to look for a wife
> the way you look for a job,  but  the  pragmatism  is  definitely
> there. Considering the soaring divorce rate, matchmaking deserves
> consideration.


	True, matchmaking is a nice way to meet compatible people. However,
 it puts alot of pressure on the people on the date to make sure the
 date goes well. There are enough pressures in going out, trying to impress
 the other person, that one does not need the added pressure of knowing 
 that the prson is spending alot of money on a girl ( or if she pays, on a
 guy ) he doesn't even know. If you know the person beforehand, then you
 know what you're getting into, to some extent, and you can trust your own
 judgement that you'd be willing to spend an evening with the person you
 are going to be with. When you go through a matchmaker, you don't know 
 what you're getting into. You are trusting someone else's opinion of what
 he thinks you want. I know that there are few people who know what kind of 
 a girl I want to go out with ( and they are for the most part past girl
 friends [ how I hate that term ]). So you go out with a girl you don't know
 and you spend alot of money. There is pressure to make sure you get your
 money's worth. And for te very religious who use this as the only method,
 and don't date for pleasure, there is even more pressure to see if this
 person will eventually become your spouse. People tend to act unnaturally,
 and they do not reveal their true selves lest the other person not like what
 he ( or she ) sees. Because of these pressure conditions, many people get
 married not really knowing the person they are marrying, which after a
 while leads to divorce ( not in all cases but in many ). This is probably
 one of the leading causes for divorce among the religious.

	I do not have any alternate plans. I wish I did. However, we must
 The one thing to
 remember is to look carefully before making a decision, and really make 
 sure you know who the other person is.


				Eliyahu Teitz.