Relay-Version: version B 2.10 5/3/83; site utzoo.UUCP Posting-Version: version B 2.10.2 9/5/84; site randvax.UUCP Path: utzoo!watmath!clyde!burl!ulysses!gamma!epsilon!zeta!sabre!bellcore!decvax!ittvax!dcdwest!sdcsvax!sdcrdcf!randvax!edhall From: edhall@randvax.UUCP (Ed Hall) Newsgroups: net.singles,net.social Subject: Re: What people look for in MOTAS Message-ID: <2521@randvax.UUCP> Date: Mon, 3-Jun-85 23:35:43 EDT Article-I.D.: randvax.2521 Posted: Mon Jun 3 23:35:43 1985 Date-Received: Sat, 8-Jun-85 01:52:40 EDT References: <147@unc.UUCP> <158@unc.UUCP> Organization: Rand Corp., Santa Monica Lines: 33 Xref: watmath net.singles:7194 net.social:606 > It is ironic that sometimes the latter trait, preoccupation with oneself, > can accompany LOW self-esteem; I see in myself often that preoccupation > with myself sometimes results in low self-esteem, and other times in > inflated self-esteem. > -- > Rob Bernardo, San Francisco, California I don't find this very ironic. In either case, you're keeping your awareness focused internally, allowing incongruencies to form bewteen what you see of yourself and what other people see of you. An extreme case of this sort of thing is Anorexia Nervosa, where the focus on this internal self-concept is so strong that even what a mirror shows is questioned. Some (unsolicited) advice (note that I am using the generic ``you'' in the following, speaking mostly to people who get preoccupied with themselves--people like me, or like Rob says he is): Something that might be more effective is to watch your effect on other people. I don't mean concern yourself with what other people think of you--that is nothing but more self-obsession. I'm talking about non-critical listening, and honest reactions to what you hear. It's amazing how much more relaxed and how much better you feel about yourself once your focus shifts outside yourself. (And though I said ``watch your effect on others,'' the ultimate result is that you'll end up interacting person-to-person, shifting the focus even more outside yourself.) Just a thought... -Ed Hall decvax!randvax!edhall